The Palace Guard (MxM)

XV

Despite the fact that Nikkol was spending all his nights with the prince, an actual member of the royal family, he got most of the updates on the royal family's situation from his job.

From a combination of things overheard in the armor room and training room and Herval's morning announcements, Nikkol had been keeping quite current with what was happening with Setial.

He now knew the name of the mysterious probably-dead sister, Keyziah, which had taken him an embarrassingly long time to remember.

He also knew that Avaviles was very aware of the soldiers and knights in Caben and didn't like it one bit. Sources also said that they were preparing their army for something but those sources weren't entirely credible. So Takkoria was preparing for battle, but weren't at the point where it was that urgent quite yet. This meant training was tougher and sometimes they had to train after their shift, which meant Nikkol wasn't able to see Setial too much.

Even if he didn't have that extra training, he still wouldn't see him that much. Turns out the prince of a kingdom preparing for battle had very little free time.

Somehow, for the past weeks, Nikkol had been getting to the room before him and he wouldn't show up until late at night, always in a bad mood. He would never talk to Nikkol anymore, being too cranky and tired to talk or even kiss him goodnight. Whenever Nikkol tried to talk to him, he was quickly shot down.

Despite earlier being so thankful to be allowed to come to his bed every night, Nikkol began wishing that he was in his own. With the desperation and hopelessness that came with being unable to talk or touch the prince while being so close to him it was nearly unbearable.

The door opened, once again being very late at night. Nikkol sat up in the bed and swung his legs over his side despite him being bone-tired.

He heard nothing but heavy footsteps and the sound of someone sinking into the bed.

Taking a deep breath, not knowing at all how this would play out, but convinced that he needed to do this now instead of chickening out like he'd done many times before. "I think I'm going to start sleeping in my own bed from here on out."

He held his breath, waiting for a reaction. He got none. Perhaps Setial had been so tired that he fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow and didn't hear him at all. He let out the shaky breath, resolving to try tomorrow, but before he could move, Setial spoke. "Why would you do that?"

Nikkol tensed up. He had thought he was in the clear that night, already having resolved another night in a room he felt stuffy with stress. He wasn't prepared for this anymore, but knew there was no backing out now. "It's just... we don't talk anymore, and... there's always so much stress and anger with you and it's affecting me." Nikkol's throat felt dry, still not turning to look at him. "It doesn't feel right anymore. We haven't even... done anything for a while. It's not right." He had practiced this in his head endlessly, why was he unable to say it now. He heard himself, knowing he was being unclear and not direct enough, but didn't know how to fix it.

He turned his tired eyes over to where Setial was, and to his shock found him sitting up, glaring at him, a volcano about to explode. "That's what this is about? You want to leave because we haven't had sex in a while?" They were questions, but his voice was elevated. He was yelling, his fists clenched at his sides, and obviously holding back. "That's what all this is about! Here, have at it!" He lifted his hips up and pushed his clothing down to his mid-thigh, exposing himself. He was very angry and Nikkol didn't like that.

"It's not about that!" Nikkol insisted, focusing on keeping his voice low to not try and attract more attention from the guards outside. "It's about us not even talking anymore. It's like I'm not even there to you." His voice wavered at the end, his efforts to hide how upset he was were failing.

"We're talking now!"

Although he knew it was a possibility, Nikkol really didn't expect Setial to get as angry as he was. "I'm going to leave now." Nikkol stated plainly, hoping that he could just end it there. Pushing past his protesting muscles, Nikkol stood up and started towards the door.

"Stop!" Unable to disobey an order, Nikkol stopped walking, but didn't turn around or move in any other way. He heard Setial get out of bed and stomp over to him. He was taken by surprise when he was spun around and pushed into a wall, Setial trapping him against it with his body. "Let's just go a round now, just like you wanted." His hand went to Nikkol's shoulder then slowly started tracing its way down.

Nikkol had had enough at this point. "Stop!" He pushed at Setial. It wasn't hard, but the prince still backed away a few steps, looking a mixture of confused and angry. "I don't, I don't want to do this anymore." His eyes burned, an equally hot tear fell down his face. Once the first one went, the rest followed quickly. Nikkol hadn't cried in a long time.

Setial was silent for a long moment, but Nikkol's vision was too blurred to see what was passing over his face. Not that he was focusing on him at the moment, instead trying desperately to get his tears under control. He did see Setial turn away from him and start walking to the bed, the bed that Nikkol had one time foolishly considered theirs.

"If you don't want this then get out of my room." His voice was cold, hard, demanding. Nikkol decided that that tone was his least favorite on the prince.

Without saying another word, Nikkol fought down even more tears and left the room.

He furiously wiped his eyes and quickly put his hands down when he passed the guards standing outside the door.

They were told by Setial that he could come and go as he pleased, although Nikkol had the feeling that he'd retract that order soon.

He had no doubt that the two guards had some sort of idea what went on behind those doors, after all they could only be so quiet, but fortunately they weren't ones to gossip, as news such as a guard sharing the prince's bed would travel fast if even spread to one person.

Keeping his head down and walking fast, Nikkol tried to avoid everyone and look as inconspicuous as possible.

Once the shock of what had just happened wore off, the ache of his overworked muscles started to gnaw his insides. He pushed harder and picked up the pace, wanting to be in his bed as quickly as possible.

Of course once he got there after seemingly endless hallways and collapsed onto the bed with shaking legs, he realized how lonely his bed was. It was much smaller and less cushioned than Setial's. The covers weren't nearly as soft and warm. And the person who warmed his side and gave him a comforting sense of safety wasn't there either.

As he lay there and stared up at the dark ceiling, he started to regret his decision.

Sure, it was awkward and they didn't talk that much, but that was because he was busy and they both were tired. At least he was there. At least Nikkol could go to sleep every night with him at his side. That wasn't what he wanted but it might've been enough.

Now, he was lonely and cold.

Now, he wanted Setial there more than anything.

With him he could feel. He could remember the excitement and happiness that he felt when he was a child, could feel it more intensely.

Despite the complete and utter exhaustion he felt, Nikkol didn't get a wink of sleep that night.