The Palace Guard (MxM)

XVIII

Turning down Setial's offers and pleas was one of the hardest things Nikkol had to do.

He had so desperately wanted to give in. To allow himself this one thing, but knew that it was better he didn't. He knew that they wouldn't be happy like they were beforehand during the time of great stress, and for the sake of his mental state and whatever they had between them, it was better they stayed apart. If they continued their arrangement, Nikkol had no doubts that they'd likely argue and even after the battle was done they'd still feel the stress between them.

At least now he had something to look forward to. It wasn't completely over, they would go back to their perfect routine after just a little time.

And he meant very little, the army was only a day or two away.

He knew that despite the reward waiting for him after the battle that should've made the days drag by, they would pass very fast in nervous anticipation. He wasn't sure whether or not he'd be actually asked to fight, but it still made his stomach turn, knowing that the fate of his kingdom would be determined in a few days.

And, as expected, those days passed fast. Even the hours of standing and doing nothing zoomed by, the thought of his possible death really not helping. The only time when the day seemed to drag was at night in his room, where Nikkol would lie awake, wishing he weren't alone.

But before anyone knew it, the castle was bustling with preparations, the fight a mere hour away.

Nikkol had never felt more useless, standing all armored up and prepared to fight but doing nothing, watching servants, knights, and soldiers run around the halls, preparing for battle.

Nikkol stood, ever silent and still, waiting for orders that may or may not come to him.

He knew that there were quite a lot of guards, so utilizing them was obviously necessary, and he had no doubt that the guards posted outside and near the entrances were being put to use, but as he was quite deep in the castle, and the castle and its inhabitants needed to be protected, he wasn't sure if he'd be instructed to move. He didn't want to stand there and wait for enemies to come tearing through the halls. By then it'd already be too late, too late to make a difference, too late to win.

Despite that, he knew he'd follow his orders, whatever they were. He was never that good at breaking rules, needed someone to, quite literally pull him along to get him to do it even though his thoughts were nearly all rebellious.

With nothing to do and with his nerves eating away at him, Nikkol forced his thoughts to something more pleasant. If all went well, in what would likely end up being a day or two, he'd be curled up next to Setial. He didn't want to think too deeply into it, but he'd imagine they'd be happy and would hopefully stay happy for a lot longer.

A sudden thought entered his brain.

What if Setial died?

He was very much likely to die to the fact that he'd be very involved in the fighting and likely targeted.

In fact, he was more likely to die then Nikkol.

Nikkol couldn't bear to think of hearing the news that he had died, just the possibility made his stomach drop to his feet. Even though he had only started their arrangement because it was a break from the normal, he found that he really cared about the prince.

He fought hard to push down the thoughts. He couldn't think about that, not when there were more pressing matters.

But the pressing matters weren't affecting him at the moment as he just stood there, only able to watch as other people did work, were helpful.