Puck (Kickstarting My Heart #3) (COMPLETED)

In My Head (In My Hands)

"To think I was this close to being able to walk across the stage." Chase broke the agonizing silence bitterly.

I looked up from my perch on the brick wall outside the school, twirling my tassel around my index finger, then undoing it. "I'm sorry, Chase."

My voice was so hushed, that I could tell he was straining to hear me over the crowd of our peers shouting from every which way around us, trying to find each other so they could get pictures together.

The anxiety I'd been feeling the last two weeks had kept me up all night. Not only was I exhausted, but the reality of the fact I'd be on a plane to another country with Jordan only twelve hours from now wasn't helping in my nervous jitters. Some time during the last two weeks, I'd watched Chase starting to retreat back into himself. Whether it was because everything was hitting him again, or his physical and mental pain were getting to him, I didn't have any clue. But there was an ease beneath all my fear and nervousness knowing that he'd be getting the help he needed. That I wouldn't have to see him continue to fall back into his old ways and try to claw his way back out again.

"You know," Chelsea sat next to me, kicking her feet back and forth as she looked at Chase, then at me. "if someone would have told me that Veronica Harper and Chase Parker were within even a fifty feet of each other a year ago, I would have laughed in their face."

Chase smiled a little at the comment. "You and me both."

"It's been a great ride." Chelsea turned to me. "I'm glad I got to get to know you, Ronnie."

I leaned into her as she hugged me, trying to force my anxiety down so it wouldn't cause me to say something stupid. "I'm glad you gave me a chance despite my bitchiness. It was nice to have a girl friend for once."

"I take offense to that." Jordan appeared a few feet away, not taking his eyes off his phone. "I'm so great you didn't need any friends except me."

Both of us laughed at his comment. Chase outstretched his hand to me, nodding toward my phone at his side. "Let me get a picture of you guys."

I handed it over with a smile, standing. After getting into our proper positioning, Chase took pictures of the three of us, then all of us individually, then finally Jordan and me, and then us girls. Chelsea was the one who pried my phone from his hand and pointed toward where I'd been sitting moments ago.

"You're funny if you think we're not getting pictures of you. You, more than any of us, need to look back at these pictures." He sighed and rolled his eyes, but knew better than to try and argue with Chelsea. He sat down beside me, glancing up with a crooked smile that didn't quite meet his eyes. Jordan and I stepped out so she could get pictures of him alone, but when I turned to move back, Jordan had moved to stand behind Chelsea, making a gesture for me to sit next to Chase.

"Don't just stand there, mi amor. Sit." I lowered myself on to the wall next to Chase, digging my nails into my palm as my anxiety started to break through again. He must have seen something shift in my expression, because he reached over and forced my fingers out from the tight fist and rested his hand on top of mine.

"Breathe, Veronica." He whispered, completely ignoring the camera and two pairs of eyes on us. "Just let it all go. Even if it's just for a few hours. Ignore it all, push it down, do whatever you have to do. When you look back on this, you don't want to remember all the bad memories with it, but all the good, right?"

*

I'd say actually walking across the stage was the least stressful thing I did all day. My anxiety was at it's lowest as I held my diploma up and thanked the principal. It peaked again as soon as we'd loaded up the trunk of the Camry, including a few of Chase's duffel bags, and stood outside my house.