Purotekuta

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

A week after Akio's death, I stand a few feet away from his coffin as I watch them cover him in dirt. His father didn't bother to show up, claiming his work didn't allow for it. As the pastor speaks, I space off in my memories of Akio, barely noticing when I am called up to give my speech. I slowly walk up to the coffin being buried in the ground and take a deep breath. I look at the paper I wrote, but can't bring myself to say the words. I take another deep breath and look at the sky. I pray for everything to be alright for him up there, and look back at the crowd standing before me.
          "I can't talk about our love story, so I will talk about math. I am not a mathematician, but I do know this; there are infinite numbers between 0 and 1. There's .1, .12, .112, and an infinite collection of others. Of course, there is a bigger set of numbers between 0 and 2, or 0 and a million. Some infinities are bigger than other infinities." I take a deep breath, trying not to cry as I continue. "There are days, many of them, when I resent the size of my unbound set. I want more numbers than I am likely to get, and God, I want more numbers for Akio Kanashi than he got." I look up at the sky once more and close my eyes, a smile on my face. "But, Akio, my love, I can not tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity. I wouldn't trade it for the world. You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I'm eternally grateful." I look back at the crowd standing before me, the smile falling off my face. I want to cry, but no tears fall. "Thank you for listening." I take the white rose I'm holding in my hand, placing one last kiss on it before I set it next to his gravestone, and walk away. I stand next to Amai, the last living remnant of Akio. Akio died for him; I'm not going to let him die too. I grab Amai's hand in mine and squeeze lightly. Just like I used to with Akio. I want to pull away so badly, this privilege only belonging to Akio, but I fight the urge and squeeze tighter. Amai looks up at me, but I don't look back; It's too much like what I used to do with Akio.
          "Thank you, Hajime. You have my condolences." I don't respond as my classmates take their turn speaking about Akio, just standing there in silence. I want to cry so, so badly, but I can't; I already used up all my tears. For the rest of the service, I stand there in silence holding Amai's hand. My classmates try to comfort me, but nothing works. I've given up on hiding my identity, but nobody said anything when they saw my wings and who I really am, too swallowed up by Akio's death. My wings are sagging, the feathers tickling my ankles, my ears drooping. My tail is tucked and motionless from the grief. Once a wolf like me has their ears and tail drooping like mine, the only way to fix us is to give us what we lost. Too bad for me, that's impossible. One only has a single true soulmate in this wretched world, the pain you go through when you lose them is unlike any other. Even if you never met them, you will still feel that sense of grief, and sorrow; like the other half of your heart just died. I feel that pain now, and the realization brings tears to my eyes that never fall. I feel like I've been stabbed through the heart one less than infinite times, but I don't let myself die. I can't let Akio's sacrifice to keep me alive go to waste. As the last grains of dirt are thrown over where his coffin once lay in the ground, the Pastor wraps up his speech. Everyone else left except for me. I don't dare to take my eyes off his tombstone for fear of... What am I scared of any more? I don't even know. I've already lost him, so why am I still here? I just stand there soaking in the rain, not even realizing that Amai hasn't left my side.
          "I'm sorry, Akio. I didn't mean for this to happen to you." I look down and walk away towards class 3-A's dorm. I don't let go of Amai's hand as I walk, taking him with me. I don't dare to let him go, I can't lose him too.

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I walk through the front doors of the dorm house, still holding Amai's hand, both of us drenched from head to toe. Everyone is in the common room, sharing each other's silent grief. They all look up at me but don't bother to say anything. There really isn't anything else left to say. I take Amai back to our-... No, my dorm room. I open the door, telling him to go sit on the couch. I close the door behind me and go to sit next to him. When I sit down, he looks up at me but I don't look back and smile like I would have once done.
          "Hajime?" My eyes widen at the sound of my name, but I quickly recover. I grunt in response, not feeling like talking. "Are you okay?" Those three words bring me to the verge of tears, and I can barely recover. I bow my head, my hair falling into my eyes.
          "If I'm being honest, no; I'm not okay." Amai wraps his short little arms around me and nestles his head into my side. For the first time, I look down at him as I once did with Akio. Normally, I would smile, but I find it impossible. "Amai, listen to me." He looks up at me, and I kneel down on the ground at his eye level. Tears form in my eyes, but I wipe them away quickly. "Do you remember that other guy I was standing next to when we came to save you?" He nods. "He was the most precious thing in the world to me, and he sacrificed his life to save us." Amai's eyes widen, tears forming in them even though I know he doesn't fully understand. "I need you to promise me something, Amai." He nods, leaning forward anxiously. I bow my head once more, fighting back another wave of tears. "Promise me that you will stay alive; for me?" Amai smiles wide, but I don't have the strength to smile back.
          "Of course! Why would I die? That's a stupid thing to do." I pull him into a tight embrace, not daring to let go of him for a good long minute. I hear a knock at the door, and quickly wipe the tears from my face. I walk over to the door and open it to see who's out there. Mr. Kaze stands in the doorway, and I step aside. He walks in, and I close the door behind him. I walk back over to Amai, and he hides behind me. Mr. Kaze stands behind me as I try my best to smile at him, but fail miserably.
          "It's alright Aki-..." I pause and bow my head once more, my ears drooping lower. "It's alright, Amai. You will be living with Mr. Kaze; he will protect you with his life, just like I would." He comes out from behind me and grabs Mr. Kaze's hand. I wave goodbye to him, afraid that if I speak my voice will break. He waves back, and Mr. Kaze leaves without saying a word. I stand there for a long while, just staring at the door; waiting for Akio to come home. Akio's dead, Hajime; Accept that. I walk over to our-... No, Hajime; your room. It's yours now. I walk into my room and stare at the bed. I take a deep breath, grabbing Akio's favorite blanket, and covering every inch of myself with it, taking in every last piece of his scent. It really is true, isn't it? You don't realize what you have until you've lost it. I take deep breaths, eventually falling asleep surrounded by Akio's scent.