Swim Until You Love Me

Part VI

Tears streamed down my face as I sat sobbing in the dark. The buzz of the alcohol had faded. I was left alone with my thoughts.

The sun came up. I hadn't slept a wink.

I came down the stairs only to bump into Jeremiah. "Good morning Mads," he said. Then he frowned, "Are you okay? You look tired."

"Yeah, umm do you wanna go for a muffin run?" I asked, avoiding his question.

"Sorry Mads, I'm running late for work."

"Alright."

I walked into the kitchen, feeling a little upset about his response.

"You okay?" Conrad asked. He looked well rested. It pissed me off.

"No. I couldn't sleep."

"Mom?" he asked. I nodded.

"I'm sorry Mads."

I sighed, "Why are you so happy anyways?"

He smiled, "Oh um. Belly. Belly and I almost kissed yesterday."

My eyebrows hit the roof and my jaw hit the floor. "What?!"

"Yeah," he giggled.

"I'm sorry, did you just giggle?" I laughed. "Damn, you've got it bad."

"I'll take you for that muffin run if you want," he said.

"Yes, please," I smiled.

*****

I spent the rest of the afternoon shopping with Ketanji.

"Did you know your brother cheated on Shayla?" she said abruptly.

I froze. "What?"

"Yeah. She called me crying yesterday."

"Oh my god," I said guiltily. "Wait, Steven went with her to the rehearsal today morning."

"Yeah, I guess they made up," she said.

"Thank god. I can tell he's really into her."

"Yeah, so much that he cheated."

I kept quiet.

*****

I'd just gotten off the phone with Shayla when Belly stormed into my room.

"Are you serious?" she yelled.

"Don't yell. Also, I've been meaning to talk to you. Did you blab to Shayla about Taylor and Steven?" I accused.

She scoffed, "I was drunk, and I already apologised. Plus, you have no right to be mad at me."

"What do you-"

"You kissed Conrad?" She yelled. "You know I'm into him. I can't believe you."

"I didn't actually kiss him. We snuck into Susannah room to look for pot, but we heard her come up. I told Conrad we should just sneak out the window, but there was no time. He just grabbed and kissed me to make up an excuse," I yelled back. "I can't believe you thought I would ever do that to you. Plus, this happened ages ago. You almost kissed Conrad just last night."

"How do you know about that?" she asked.

"Conrad told me."

She rolled her eyes.

"What?"

"He came to see me when I was at the club. I broke up with Cam, because I thought there was something there. But when I came back, he just acted like it was no big deal. Said he "can't"" she said, making air quotes for the last part.

I frowned, "Can't what?"

She shrugged.

I hugged her. "I'm sorry Bells. Do you want me to find out what happened?"

"It won't change anything," she sighed.

"How did the rehearsal go?" I asked, changing the subject.

She smiled. "It went well. Jeremiah came in and danced to So Pretty," she giggled. "Paige got so mad."

Huh. So he had time to crash that stupid rehearsal but couldn't get muffins with me?

*****

I walked down the stairs only to bump into Jeremiah. Again. I nodded at him and pushed ahead.

"Wait, Mads," he called.

"Yeah?" I turned around, not really looking at him.

"Umm, do you wanna go swimming?" He asked.

"No, I have to talk to Conrad about something. Maybe later," I said. Felt good to be the one refusing him for a change.

"Holy hell," I said, walking into the kitchen. "I'm guessing the moms made this mess."

"Yep," Conrad replied.

I started putting stuff away. "So I was right. Susannah did run her mouth and Belly found out about our kiss," I looked at him. "I told her we went up there for pot. Not that you were worried about it messing things up. You've got that covered, don't you?"

He stopped abruptly and leaned against the counter, bowing his head.

"I couldn't do it. I couldn't tell her what I really wanted to say."

"Why not?"

"If I started something with her, I would just fuck it up. I'll just be closed off or be depending on her to fix me or something. When she doesn't even know that what she's trying to fix is unfixable. I couldn't do that to her. And I couldn't tell her about mom either."

I walked over and hugged him tight. My heart broke from him.

"You should watch something like How I Met Your Mother," I joked. "Ted Mosby never has a hard time confessing."

He laughed.

*****

I needed ice cream, I decided. I started walking down the stairs. My heart skipped a couple beats.

Susannah was sitting on the bottom stair, her eyes closed.

"Susannah?" I whispered.

She opened her eyes. "Hey Madi," she said, sounding a bit breathless.

I heaved a sigh of relief. "High's crashing, huh?" She nodded.

"Where's mom?"

"With Cleveland," she replied. I smiled.

"C'mon, let's get you into bed," I said, holding out a hand to steady her.

*****

I walked to the window so I could eat my ice cream while looking out at the view.

Oh, what a view.

The bowl slipped from my hands as I took in what I saw.

Belly and Jeremiah. Kissing. In the pool.

Red, hot anger coursed through my veins. Just earlier that day Belly had made a big show about me kissing Conrad. Now she was kissing Jeremiah? Pain-of her betrayal and of the sheer fact that Jeremiah was actually kissing her- made my eyes sting with tears. My mouth went dry. Jealousy clouded my mind. I was going to kill her. 

"Madi?" I heard Steven say from behind me. Shit.

"Mads-" he repeated.

"Good night, Steven," I spoke over him and ran up to my bedroom. 

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A/n

Draaammaaaaaa!

I love the angst. More to come in the next chapters :)

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