My Obsession With a Slanted Mirror

September 11, 2010

Last night I had the time of my life! We had won the football game! 31-25, victory against Camarillo High for the 5th year in a row! The party was pretty awesome. How I love messing with jrunk people. I had danced the whole night long, while Miss Stacey got herself hammered. Mommy had taught me better, she herself had never drank nor smoked. She use to be part of the LDS church, but after meeting father she had fallen away. She taught me so much about virtues, and that I needed to keep my standards up. This one thing I did for Mommy and that I promised her that I'd keep up my standards for her.

Though, Father has told me that he didn't care what I did as long as I was smart about it, I refused to stoop down to his level. Him and Marie loved to go out on the weekends and get drunk with their friends. One time I even had to go pick them up because they were to drunk to even think to call for a taxi. However, this wasn't and every weekend sort of deal (Thank God!) and they never got drunk at the house. I think they don't want Stevie growing up around a bunch of crazy alcoholics.

Jake Madison was all over me last night. I saw the look on James face when he saw him all up on me. I'm not going to lie, Jake's kind of a creeper and he couldn't keep his hands off me, but the sweet satisfaction of making James a little jealous was oh so worth it! Well, I took Stacey home early because she was puking her brains out. Her parents were out of town that weekend and thats the only reason why she drank. Usually she's with me just taking advantage of all the intoxicated teens. I had to stay the night at her house to make sure she didn't die of choking on her own vomit while she sleep. 

In the morning James sent me a text asking if I would go on a jog with him. This was one of our favorite things to do together. We both had a passion for it. When he showed up to my house to my surprise he wasn't wearing a shirt. Ugh, he was teasing me now! As we starting to run I could see the shine of perspiration all over his fit body. He looked so sexy, I had the hardest time not wanting to stare. We ran about 5 miles around town when we stopped at our favorite park. As he got a drink from the water fountain I couldn't help but look how low his shorts had fallen showing the perfect 'V' of his obliques and his beautiful abs glistening in the sunlight. My heart started to pound a little, I had to take a deep breath a look away for a while. We were at our favorite place, Bennett Park.

We talked about a lot of things, school, college,sports, people, parties, and then he asked me about Mommy.  I was a little upset at first, because I don't like to talk about it. It really hurt a lot what happened and it brings back a lot of painful memories that don't like to be opened. Monster kind of growled inside at the fact, but I calmed it down and told it everything was ok. This will be the first time I talk about it in my diary and to another person. 

Mommy was beautiful. She could sing, dance, cook, bake, clean, and play. She was perfect to me. Everything was going great. Dad had his business as contactor and Mommy was the interior designer. Thats how they met. They worked together really well with their business, dad building houses then mom decorating it. Father and Mommy had built this house we live in. Well one day she got really sick. She went to the doctors and she found out that she had cervical cancer. She had it pretty bad and the treatments were making her really sick. Father had insisted that she stay home and hire a nanny to take care of me. Father really cared about her and her health condition.

I was only eleven when this was all happening. She didn't know that Father had hired someone else to take her place. Marie. Marie had taken my Mommy's place. One night when Father came home late, Mommy and I were up waiting for him because it was family movie night. She was really mad, he never use to miss family movie night. Mommy asked him why he was so late. He just answered that he had gotten on a roll drawing up some blueprints and lost track of time. Mommy didn't buy it. Father walked upstairs to there room. She told me to stay in the living room and watch the movie while she left to go upstairs. I started to hear yelling, I was so curious I had to go see what was the matter. All I could hear was her screaming,

"how could you! Does this family mean nothing to you? Do I mean nothing to you?" She ran out, I tried to look like nothing had happened but she grabbed me and dragged me along to the car. I asked her where we were going and she just said it was far away from here. We pulled out of the driveway and down the street heading towards the freeway. She just kept going on and on about Father and I didn't understand why or what she was talking about. Thats when it happened. We were in the left turn lane on Reyes Adobe Rd. when we were hit head on. I don't remember much because I hit my head pretty badly and I was in the hospital for a few weeks, but my beautiful Mommy was dead. The man who hit us had run a read light, no one really knows what he was doing but he was speading pretty fast and had died instantly. I didn't blame him though, he might have been like my Mommy running away. I blame my Father, and just having to be around him and Marie, makes me sick to my stomach. He tries to make it a home, he tries to make me like her.

After telling James this I didn't feel well. He drove me home and gave me a hug. I wanted to cry. I got inside and didn't even acknowledge Father or Marie I just went straight upstairs to bathroom. I started to throw up I was so sad. I felt so alone. I needed HER.

I went to my room after washing my face and pulled HER out. I stared at her as I bawled. HER long wavy dirty blonde hair hung there almost reaching HER the end of her ribs. Just like Mommy's. HER eye's were big and beautiful glimmering a lovely hazel color. Just like Mommy's. Her cheeks were naturally rosie, and had a pefect complection. Just like Mommy's. I blinked and a film of water glazed my eyes, and then it wasn't HER anymore but it was me. Plain old me, I blinked again and she way back. I envied HER, HER life was so much better than mine.