My Obsession With a Slanted Mirror

September 20, 2010

ASB is planning the homecoming dance already. We're going with an 'Under the Sea' theme. Dance team is already working on a routine and we have the AP drawing and painting class doing the scenery. It all seems very fun, but this is probably the worst part of being part of ASB, having to come early and set up then stay late and clean up. I'm already looking for dresses online, I found a really pretty aqua colored Sherri Hill dress that I think would match perfectly to theme. I feel its flows just like the ocean. I'll wait a few days before bying it though, I'm sure I'm up for another shopping spree soon after last nights show. Just kidding, I actually feel really bad for last night. I didn't mean to shout, I don't mean to be an angry person. I'm just hurt form all that has happened in my life. If Marie even knew the pain that she has caused me with losing my mother, she might just shoot herself dead from guilt. She knows I'm upset about all that happened, but she doesn't know everything. 

On a happier note, I'm running for Homecoming queen! I have run every year, but I've always just been homecoming princess, which is nothing. 

I saw James today, I waved and he looked the other way. It hurt, I didn't blame him, but it would be nice to talk about it. Jake left me alone all day, he didn't talk to me at all but he was giving me these weird looks. I felt like I was in the spotlight today or something, teachers picking on me in every class to answer questions (which I like to do, but I wasn't even raising my hand to answer) and everyone I knew wer giving me wierd looks. 

I just hung out with Stacey today at lunch. Then she came over to my house after school. She was still grounded but her parents like me and think that I'm a good infuence so she always allowed over. We mostly were just planning homecoming night most of the time, but then she brought up James. I told her all about Friday night. She couldn't believe it! She thought I was so stupid for not kissing him back. Unlike Stacey, I'm not that confident, especially with boys. I'm not like sheltered or anything and I'm not shy either, but when it comes to things like kissing I like to take my time easing into. I'm not a spontaneous person. 

After Stacey had left Father had asked me if I would like to see a therapist. Of course I didn't 'want' to see a therapist! That was scary! Especially after I here story from all the emo kids at school how they go to their therapist and they get a prescription for being depressed, even if they really aren't, and then they hype up on their pills. I also hear they have horrible side effects. Although, the Monster inside was not at rest with the idea, I knew it would be best. I agreed to go to a therapist. As long as he wouldn't tell anyone about it, and of course I wouldn't either. I couldn't deal with the teasing and taunting. So Father called up some lady, and I'm scheduled for an appointment on Wednesday. Oh boy, I can't wait.