Heartstopper One shots

nothing

tw: self harm, mental breakdown
I guess i'm writing about myself in this but in heartstopper form so......i guess this is a vent, sorry.

I just did something so wrong and stupid. I actually did it, I self harmed myself, I swored I wouldn't but here I am sitting on my bed admitting to Charlie what I've been feeling for the past couple of months. ''I feel nothing, nothing at all. I feel like i'm never happy but sad, I want to stay sad but i don't want to at the same time. I can't physically cry I don't know why. Somethinngs wrong with me!, I hate myself'' I say to charlie crying into his arms while my eyes kept staring at my arms which were cut.
''And i'm so sorry charlie I didn't know I would do this at all. I needed to feel something and I guess this made me wake up to reality and realise i'm not okay. I'm so dumb and stupid,''I ranted to my boyfriend sitting on my bed, charlie shouldn't be coping with my problems, who cares really, I feel like a burden and I don't want to make people guilty or worry about me, like what if someones coping with something and I make it worse but I didn't dare say that to anyone.
''Why didn't you tell me you felt like this?,'' charlie he said while looking into my eyes full of love and care.
''I- well see- it's hard to explain,'' I tried to say
''Shh it's okay nick, I understand, you don't have to tell me now,'' charlie understood what I was dealing with. But did he really, or was he just saying that to make me feel okay. I tried to stop these thoughts but they won't shut up. I bursted into tears again, charlie just hugged me tighter pulling me close. After 30 minutes charlie had to leave. I kissed him goodbye and thanked him for being here for me.
''Crap,crap,crap,'' I kept repeating frantically. Why'd I tell him, I shouldn't of laid that on charlie, it's unfair. This is why I feel like I should never talk cause I always say the wrong thing.
''I stuff everything up!,'' I yelled. I shouldn't feel like this, I'm the one that should be happy, happy helping people and checking in on people, not the other way around, but it would be nice if someone actually checked in on me and wanted to listen to my problems.
It was late at night and I somehow fell asleep even though I had intrusive thoughts running through my mind all night. I'll deal with it, I kept saying to myself. I'll save me somehow

A/n: Hey guys I know this isn't the greatest but..... dang that felt good to get off my chest. and i'm sorry if this is happening to you, and if it is you can always contact me and anyone you trust, stay safe (sorry if this story didn't make sense)

Happy pride!!!! (Im gojng to make a happy story for the last day of pride )