Only With You ♡ KinnBig

Fear

Bigs pov:

"Kinn"-"what were you dreaming about?"

" i just want to sleep" i said trying to avoid his gaze.

"Kinn"-"why are you changing the subject?"

"I'm sorry, I don't think i can trust anyone with this right now"-i should have said it differently-

"Kinn"-"okay but you can tell me anything"--he said and hugged me--"let's sleep"

I feel bad for not telling him but I can't, i just can't, if I'll start to talk about it, i will never forget it, maybe someday I'll be ready but not now, and if i tell him i don't know what he's gonna think about me and that scares me. It's been a ten years but i still can't, everytime i think about it i want to kill myself.

I felt awkward when he hugged me, i said i like him i even said i love him but kinn isn't saying it back, and that's freaking me out, yes he said it when he thought i was sleeping but he hasn't confessed to me yet, i think i told him three times about my feelings but he... I don't think he likes me that way and just wants 'something' from me, I'm afraid but i have to ask I can't think about it whole night i know if i don't ask i will be thinking about it everyday, maybe it's the right time.

"Kinn"--he didn't response, maybe his sleeping, i was feeling uncomfortable so i decided move a bit but he didn't let me go.--"kinn, wake up"--he hold me tighter and tighter every time i started to move--"kinn let me go, wake up"-- i felt fear again, my hands started shaking i couldn't control them, i couldn't talk or move i was just shaking, he suddenly woke up and looked at me in shock.--

"Kinn"-"big hey are you okay?"-now he looked worried-

"Y...yo..u"

"Kinn"-"did i do something?"-He asked while holding me tight-

"Le.t... m..e go"

"Okay okay, here drink some water" -he handed me glass of water and started rubbing my back, honestly it was nice but i was still scared and i needed some air, i got up slowly and went to balcony, he followed me.-

"Kinn can i be alone please"

"Kinn"-"Okay I'll be here, call me if you need anything" -he said and went inside again-

God i need to smoke but if he saw me he will cut my hands off, just few days and I'll be out of here finally. I'm not ready but i still have to tell him, but first i have to talk to him about our feelings or just mine i think.

It's been a twenty minutes, it was cold, i stand up to go inside but he was coming out with a blanket, he was reading my thoughts.

"Kinn"-"here it's cold outside"

"Thanks"-he nodded and start to close the door but i held his hand-

"Can we talk?"-he nod again, close the door and sat beside me-

"Kinn"-"Big"

"Yea?"

"Kinn"-"Are you scared of me" -he said and my heart broke-

"No"

"Kinn"-"Then..." -I cut him off-

"I'm sorry, i promise i will explain everything but first.. i need to ask you something"

"Kinn"-"what?"

"Do you...do you have feelings for me?"--he looked away and didn't say anything-- "ki.."

"Kinn"-"i like you okay, and I'm scared too i don't know how to act I don't know what to say, I don't want to ruin what we have and i don't even know what to call it, when you told me not to touch you, and when i saw you shaking, and realized you were scared of me..."-now it was my time, i just leaned in and kissed him, he broke the kiss,we looked at eachother with teary eyes as he rested his forehead on mine-

"Kinn"-"when i realized you were scared of me i.. i just..."

"It wasn't because of you i promise, you're the last thing i can be scared of"

"Kinn"-"then what was it, why were you scared" -he asked as he held my hand-

"It was me and my stupid past"

"Kinn"-"What do you mean?"

"It was my childhood"

"Kinn"-"huh?"

I took a deep breath and got ready, i was scared and proud of myself at the same time, i was scared of what he might think of me, and proud of myself because it's the first time i'm talking about it.

"When i was fifteen..."