healing tears

7

Waking up in the night, the cramps seemed to be getting even worse than you could handle. You went to the toilet and your period had started. Luckily being prepared you already had a pad on. After drinking a glass of water you went back to your bedroom and cuddled underneath the warmth of your blankets.

As your eyes opened again for the morning, you rolled over looking at your clock reading 8am. You stretched and moved to the bathroom. As you stood up your vision went fuzzy from a head rush until another huge cramp washed over you. Holding onto the bathroom doorway, you took a deep breath trying to get enough energy to pass through the door. Until you felt your body going numb and your brain felt weak. Knees buckling you fell straight onto the bathroom floor with a bang. Unknown due to your unconscious state, Ally opened the connecting door that you hadn't had the chance to lock fortunately. "Y/n" she spoke loudly, clapping her hands in attempt to wake you up. Your body lay lifeless on the floor. Ally got up and ran to Dr. Staple's office bursting through the door. "Ellie, come to the bathroom please!" Ally demanded with fear lacing her voice. "Y/n, she's passed out on the floor". Ellie stood up quickly and followed Ally to your conjoined bathroom. Your body still laid flat out. "Y/n" Ellie stated trying to wake you up too now. Her fingers tracing your neck and applying pressure to check your pulse. She tapped your face with her nails gently which caused your body to twitch and start to move again.

"Fuck" you mumbled gathering yourself from the floor to leaning against the door. "What happened?" you groaned. "I found you on the floor after I heard you fall over" Ally exclaimed. "Are you ok?" Ellie asked as she stared you down. "Yeah just in pain" you responded quietly. "Where?" she probed. "Oh it's just my period" you replied whilst placing an arm over your stomach. "Do you usually faint from it?" Ellie inquired. "No, never have. They're not usually this bad. I feel so lightheaded" you groaned and then placed your fingers onto the bridge of your nose and pinched. "Ally help me get her to the medical room and we'll give you some pain relief" Ellie helped you up from the floor and both her and Ally took ahold of your arms. "I'm sorry" you whispered. "It's ok" both of them replied, Ally helped you onto the hospital bed and Ellie started to go through a draw full of pills. As Ally was about to leave you remembered her moaning in the night which caused you to blush. Of course she was a full grown woman with sexual desires, but listening to it made you feel like you exploited her. You smiled at her as she left and tried to push her moans to the back of you memory. Placing a few pills in your hand she told you to swallow whilst gathering the other medication you needed for the day anyway.

"You look like you died" Xandra exclaimed as she walked into the room. "Thanks" you mumbled with a chuckle. "I thought you died after the Lana situation" you smiled smugly. She just side eyed you and left after taking her meds.

As you got up and left the medical room. Xandra was stood there by the door. "I like you kid. You don't stand for anyones shit" she mentioned as you carried on walking towards your room. "I've got something to take the edge off if you want?" she suggested and grabbed your hand before you could leave. "Meet me in my room before the movie starts tonight" she finished and let go of your hand as you continued to your room. Grabbing your watch and a hair band to tie your hair into a messy bun you made your way down to your appointed therapy room. You knocked and made your way in after you heard a faint "come in". Cordelia was sat looking at her computer and glanced up and smiled as you entered. "One second" she mumbled closing the lid of her laptop slowly as she finished reading something. "First therapy session with me" Cordelia smiled again. "Right... I know in the last one we were going over like the grand scheme of some of your pain but today I want to focus on your self-harm. Since Tammy of course found a blade in your luggage which had to be reported. I just wanted to tackle that with you" Cordelia verbalised.

"So, I just wanted to know first of all if you had any more blades on you that weren't found" Cordelia asked and reached for her notepad. "No. I don't" you truthfully stated. "I kinda wish I did though" you mumbled after a few seconds. "Why's that?" she prodded. "I don't know. I guess I just like knowing I have that to fall back on" you carried on. Her eyes flickering from yours back down to her notepad. "Can you explain why you do/have hurt yourself?" "Umm- I. I'm sorry it just feels cringey to say" you admitted. "Y/n. This is only going to work if you are honest and unfiltered" Cordelia titled her head slightly trying to push the truth from the barriers of your mouth. "I just feel like I deserve it. It stops me from feeling so bad you know. I feel better after, short-term" you blurted out whilst picking at your nails. Cordelia looked down to her notepad and scribbled out short hand of what you were saying probably. "Is this self-harm just self-harm or is it you wanting to die? I'm sorry I have to ask but I need to know" she apologised with caring eyes. "I don't want to die fully. I just wish I could have a break. A really long sleep, or like a coma for a while" you looked up from your fidgeting hands. Tears nearly spilling from your eyes. "I just want to feel less alone, but I'm so tired" you whispered the last part. Cordelia got up from her seat and grabbed a tissue. To which she handed to you and rubbed a small circle on your shoulder in means of comfort. "You're gonna be ok. I promise, you'll feel more connected to the world again" she affirmed whilst leaving a single pat on your shoulder. "That's the end of the session. I really do think we've made some progress" she smiled carefully. "Thank you Cordelia" you replied whilst grabbing another tissue and heading for the door. "I'll see you later" she said.

Through lunch Xandra kept on staring at you and smiling. She was up to something. You just wanted to know what she had in stock to give to you. A glimmer in her eyes made you feel unsure about the whole ordeal, however you were just craving a release. Any release since you had no blade. "I'll see you later" she winked after lunch and carried on walking.

-i had writers block and some drama happen in my life so sorry for taking ages for this chapter!
-like always... suggestions highly welcome :)