𝗘𝗿𝘀𝗮𝘁𝘇 𝗟𝗲𝗺𝗮𝗻 | 𝖿𝖺𝗇𝗍𝖺𝗌𝗒

V. Endeavour

Isai Nosenko's POV

"You okay?" I asked, making sure that the solicitude in my tone had been facile to discern.

"Probably," he divulged, his limbs staggering as he attempted to stabilise himself. "I'll live."

His nugatory aim to crack a joke, had managed to draw a laugh out of me. The noises of derision were not laughter, yet a form of snort. It wasn't a buoyant laugh that escapes my mouth. Intention was important because the former built hale brains and healthy bonds, the latter did the opposite.

"It's not funny," he suggested, his knees bucking as he sat down. "What had you asked earlier?"

I could peruse his psyche, the soul that had learnt to shut everything off before anything turned perilous. And that was what he had been doing at that exact same moment. Erecting walls of concrete grit that would never yield to anyone.

"When exactly had you begun to feel this way? Different from what they say is normal," I asked, wording my intentions out vigilantly.

That word. Normal. It seemed to reorientate him. I watched his grit shatter, atom by atom, his credence wither away akin to a dandelion. The interstices in his wall let out swathes of incandescent light that his soul had been sheathing.

There was a light, a playful light that came to the heart of tiny rain kissed leaves and raised them far beyond the status of the cold cut gem. Light brings energy, more in a single drop than we can easily fathom. This light could bring the plants to life, its warmth and energy giving the essential ingredient for all that he held sacred. Perhaps it had been his holy grail, not a cup but that which fed it all, that filled every cup and bowl.

"Quite early, if I must admit," he said, sighing as his fingers dug deep into the soil. "It wasn't exactly a huge revelation... It just happened. I did not even know it."

A dismal smile had creeped its way along onto his face. Havryil had adorned that gloom like the jewellery that would embellish a bride. It looked so accustomed on him. That melancholic smile, coupled with the agony in his eyes... He'd been looking like that since, forever.

"Do you know what it feels like to be," he cut himself short, a sardonic chuckle escaping his lips. "... Me? A person like me?"

"I'm not sure how you want me to answer that," I responded, letting my gaze wander over his slumped figure.

His smile only became wider, the anguish painting it a clear shade of gray. "Not your fault. Nobody with a little humanity would," he stated, bitterly.

The glossy sheen that had daubed his eyes reflected the light that fell on it. The pasty grey color of his eyes bled into his pupils, the grey rings confining the black ones. They were an archetypal example of what an internally withered person would seem like - their insides burned up to ash, the charred pieces left devoid of anything but the sole purpose to endure. And for what? To fail. All through the years that they continue.

"I'd like some time alone, please." His request wouldn't be turning a fresh page, altogether. I knew that. But it hadn't been a futile one, either.

"Sorry. I'll leave, for a while."

"It all really does come down to you, in the end. So, think and act."