SHATTERING MY FENCES FOR YOU

Running back in time

It was 12 a.m, past bed time. I was pretending to be studying while my parents were asleep. I had that immediate urge to whine and cry, as a teenager who was helpless with her muddled up emotions and not even a scrap of courage to talk about it to my parents. After all having brown parents wasn't so easy for their expectations were beyond what was running in my mind.

'' It's too late, walk into bed, before I drive you to'' that was mom.

I hesitantly stumbled on to the bed after she called twice followed by dad. I was broken. Relationships are worthless I said while burying my face into my pillow and crying.

Footsteps. It was my mom, who would usually come to check if I was sleeping. I turned my head to the other end of the bed to avoid being seen crying, as the result ahead was very clear. She went.

Why just me? why was it all good before and now it's all ruined? Don't I deserve to peacefully be with my person or is he not the one?

I had all these questions and answers to none. I was in a puzzled relationship where the next step wasn't ever clear but just situational.

Back to 2020, a few weeks or a month away from winter solstice, was a pleasant morning of November, like every morning of that month had been. Being 2020 due to covid outbreak we had a pretty long break from school. I would wake up at 5 in the morning, then just to go out for walks in the almost deserted highway at our place. Then, it was only me and mom at home as dad was out due to work. My mom was a simple housewife, not just pretty but responsible too. But this time the keys were not there. Yeah I think for a while you could say that she kept them somewhere and had forgotten. We jumped the wall to get out as I was stubborn enough to pull her along. After the walk I had hurt myself on the palm while jumping back, and that I believe was where my lifeline had taken an unpredictable turn that brought back someone into my life.

Skipping some time. It was around 9.30 p.m when I began stalking someone on my mom's phone , though I had one of my own that I had newly been given to me for online classes.

Aaaah...... an almost loud screech of excitement which made my mom curious enough.

when she asked me.

''I got a 50 on 50 in my test'' , I replied.

It made her happy. True but that wasn't the reason.

The Facebook account was locked suddenly. He was back! Back from hostel. It was my childhood crush. Whom I thought of as baby love. I suspected it was due to covid.

I dared to send him a request on Instagram as I was never into Face book. And boom! my request was accepted just in a few minutes. It was something I never could have expected.

I was skinny when I was put into kindergarten. But growing up, I was quite a plump girl. We were good friends when I was sleek, but he would tease me when I was plump, after which he left the school for elementary. He would keep visiting but never seemed to be interested in speaking to me. And I never realised ,when that childhood best friend of mine had turned into a person for whom I had a strong liking and magnetization.

It was indeed my first crush.

I turned out to be shy and never tried to speak to him during his rare visits to school as his mom had been a teacher at our school.

While this time he came on the DMs. Felt that I was ahead and luck was pushing me.

''hey'', he said.

I replied with the same.
I was sure that by then he had seen all my posts as he had liked all of them and so had I.
Out of excitement I jumped like a singed cat to my room.
Well, I was a girl who had never slept alone in her room before. Exactly! I used to sleep with my mom, in her room.
He said I looked sleek! Could there be anything better than this, that I could have heard from a guy whom I had a crush on for 8 years straight!
We switched platforms. He was on WhatsApp. I knew I was texting a guy, whom I hadn't seen for the same length of time. I was texting a stranger by appearance indeed.
Was he tall? Did he have long hair? Could he sing? And at the most did he like me back either?
Ofcourse that was my dream boy
My perception for his behaviour was to be an ideal guy who might have fluttered down from heaven, just for me. But destiny didn't have it for me.
After two days of repeated texting and just leaving him while studying as I was the so called nerd or topper at our school, I gathered some courage.
Me: Could I get to see your picture.
Him: indeed
While he was ransacking for pictures from his gallery my time died at the mean time.
I had to leave my phone and go to grandma's