But if one of us dies//Billie eilish

{pt 1}

(Tw: this story talk a lot about mental health and the perspective of depression. If you are sensitive to this topic this story is not for you)

Jamie's perspective*

"GET HER TO TRUAMA ROOM NOW! SOMEBODY PAGE DOCTOR JACE RIGHT NOW!" I hear as i struggle to open my eyes, When I finally do open them I see beaming bright light and a doctor leaning over my face saying "everything is gonna be okay Ma'am don't worry"

W- wh- i cough as I try to speak choking on blood and hear a loud ringing in my ears
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"I'm so sorry Jamie i should have been there, I shouldn't have left you alone. I'm so stupid", I hear other than the faint sound of beeping hospital machines.

I struggle to open my eyes and when I do all I see is Cameron standing over me sobbing holding my hand.

Ca-ameron I whispered which made her look up at my face whilst she's drowning in her tears

She looks at me and says "I'm so sorry. I'm here now your gonna be okay, we are gonna be okay."

I try speak but I fail to let out words, I groan and let out loud coughs as i try speaking again Cameron stops me and says "hey, hey, shhh don't try to speak it's just gonna do you more harm than good" as she rubs my cheek looking into my eyes.
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Now your probably thinking how we got here in the first place.
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It's another normal Friday night in bed, exhausted not knowing why or how I even got this bad mentality. Im not sure when it all went to shit but honestly, it's not like I mattered at this point.

I check my phone for a notification from Cameron after our fight last night. It's been 6 hours since we last spoke or even seen each other. I've texted her idek how many times and still, no response. Last time I texted her was at 3pm.

Its 9pm now..

The problem was they were always out with their "friends" things escalated to fast last night. And I tried giving them their space for 6 hours. but space and distance is all this relationship is.

I start shaking wondering why I just did what I did, knowing it's not gonna end good for me. Cameron gets upset easily and gets hurtful but no matter how much she hurt me I could never truly hate her.
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An hour passed and I hear the front door open and slam shut, I sit at the corner of the bed in front of the bedroom door when I hear glass shatter and Cameron bumping into the table. I step out the room to see Cameron with a bottle of Patron (tequila)

I rush over to her and ask her if she's hurt, I look down to see the only picture of me and my dad before he passed last year shattered, so I calmly bend down as tears start to fill my eyes and blur my vision as I pick up the pictures and clean the mess of broken glass.

"You look good from this angle" says Cameron with a smirk on her face as she bites her lip i ignore it because she's clearly drunk get up and throw away the glass and place the picture of me and my dad in my pocket. As she walks over to me and places one hand on my waist and pulls me in saying "let's go to the bedroom."

I scoff at her comment and letting her know I wasn't in the mood, also pulling back away from her. I try to turn around to walk the other way to the living room and I feel a hard firm tight grab at my arm pulling me back.

"Come on Jamie I'm in the mood.." she says desperately while looking into my eyes subjectively
"I'm really not in the mood right now, can we just watch tv or go to bed please" I responded that didn't end well.

Cameron's face changes as she throws the bottle of tequila on the wooden floor walking off into the room saying "clean that up." In a stern voice

I look at her in fear as she walks off, then clean up the mess she made. Go to the bathroom and look in the mirror and wash the blood off my face from the glass jumping up and butting the side of my cheek bone.
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I slept on the couch playing that night and for the past 2 days ever since then. Cameron hasn't spoken to me since Friday's incident
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Cameron has been out with Harper till 5am for the past few nights. Harper is the girl she's been cheating on me with for the past 3 months now. Why not leave? Is what your probably thinking.

You know we weren't always like this, we used to be deeply in love are souls were tied together, but we'll after my father died I got into this dark place and thought out love was strong enough, for her stay and give and extra 20% since I couldn't fully give my all.

We used to go out every Friday night to this dark and lay in the grass for hours looking into each other's eyes and stars, oh how the stars shine and bounced offer her eyes. We had we first everything at that park, we met there are and first kiss there, and i realized how much I deeply truly loved her all in the same place.

Now we are just strangers with each other's secrets, she wasn't always hurtful to me..yk? Like at least she didn't hit me she called me names. Threw things, made whole into walls but at least she didn't hit me. "Nobody would ever care about you but me." Sometimes she'd make me feel like ending my life, but at least.. she didn't hit me. Right?

Is what I say to myself when thinking about leaving once and for all. But where would I go? Who do I have? Nowhere. And nothing. All I ever knew and loved was Cameron and my father. My mother was never really in the picture she left when I was younger never heard from her since.
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"Take me to roof top, I wanna see the world when I stop breathing. Turning blue." I heard playing on my Alexa.

No other artist would ever speak yo me in the way Billie does. Her songs touch my soul they express the feelings I could never be able to explain, Not even in a million life times.

"Tell me, love is endless. Don't be so pretentious leave me, like you do (like you do)" said the song.

Billies song always made me feel understood, comfortable and safe and if I'm being honest sometimes even powerful. She was the truth behind all my thoughts and feelings, for some odd reason I kiss her, which is weird. Because she doesn't even know I existed.

*You've reached the end of this chapter*

A/n: SO SORRY for the long first part I just didn't wanna jump to fast into the good stuff, it's my first time writing let me know how I did! The next part I'll be so much better and interesting just bare with me people! Any predictions or comments or tips feel free to let me know! My apologies if it's not the best writing I'm new at give me some tips