I Found You

chapter 6

From Teepakorn •(t.teepakorn@gmail.com)

To

Watsyourproblem•(gsnothome@gmail.com)

i dated this girl in school who told me she never really enjoyed my company because i was a weak emotional guy and she had to be cautious all the time not to hurt me. because almost everything used to hurt me. i remember i was so angry when she said this and i went home and broke my bicycle and then cried because that was my favourite bicycle and even though i did not ride it anymore, it hurt me to see that i had broken a spider's web hanging loosely near the handle. i cried about the spider and then understood what she meant.

i shouted on someone today. and i don't know why it keeps bothering me. may be because i don't remember when was the last time i actually expressed my anger or may be because that person did not deserve it at all. or may be because it reminded me that i am still an insecure, emotional guy who just wants to matter. for someone. for anyone. even a spider.

T

Ps. since you did not deny of being a poet, what kind of poet you are? believing in loving the flaws kind or believing that love is a flaw kind?

...

From Watsyourproblem
•(gsnothome@gmail.com)

To Teepakorn •(t.teepakorn@gmail.com)

hate me but i know this joke about spiders that's too good to let it slide. okay what do you call two spiders who just got married? Newlywebs  (insert my funnier than the joke laughter)!

okay may be it's not that funny.

anyways, i am sorry that your bicycle broke and so did your heart. i think some people never really understand the depth of their sadness. and i get you because you are one of those people and i am one of those people. i remember i once saw a boat in Pattaya which was being eaten at one corner by the bugs. and i just clicked a picture of tiny bugs corroding the wood and cried because the boat was beautiful so beautiful and yet just a large piece of wood to be decayed in time. but i don't think being sad necessarily means being in pain. it just means that sometimes you are too aware of pain's existence in life, even if it's not in your own life. i hope the next time you feel a sadness you cannot describe in words, there will be someone to hold you and ask you what's wrong. and if you still do not know what to say, just tell them to tell you a joke. if it were me, i would tell you hundred jokes about spiders so that you will never have to be sad about spiders again.

i wish you'd never have to be sad about anything again.

the thing about today is bothering you because you realise that you were wrong and what's realisation without acting on it? I'd just say one thing - be honest.

S

Ps.
I waited for your mail
like in soil sleeps a snail
like a wanderer in woods look for a  trail
like a criminal longs for a bail
i waited, till my eyes did fail
and i slept and kept
dreaming of your words.
till a beep i heard.

i saw your mail arrived.
now i'm restored to life.

....

"why are you smiling so much?" Mr. Teepakorn teases Tine from the door.

"who's smiling" Tine mutters, shutting his laptop as his father comes to sit on the bed, handing him a glass of milk.

"I won't ask what or who is it-"

"dad-"

"BUT" Mr. Teepakorn interrupts, booping Tine's nose, "I'm happy you're smiling."

Tine smiles at that. Kim kisses Tine's head before exiting the room and Tine, after a minute, returns his attention back to the mail glaring from the laptop screen. in the dim light of the room and extreme silence, Tine does that one thing he usually escapes from - reflecting on his thoughts. Tine likes this. he definitely likes the person sitting on the other side of their otherworldly space. and it's a weird feeling because he doesn't really understand the nature of this liking. does he like the state of anonymity between the two? does he like the fact that there is actually someone who he connects with and has been lucky enough to cross their paths? surely he likes the way this other person says things but that does not have to mean that he likes that person, right?

"obviously.." he mumbles into space, "i don't even know if it's a girl or a guy or a robot." but Tine is certain that a robot cannot possibly write such an adorable verse for him. the thought makes him blush but wait.. what if this person is married or committed or..

Tine bites his lips and starts typing again.

From Teepakorn •(t.teepakorn@gmail.com)

To

Watsyourproblem•(gsnothome@gmail.com)

the joke was disastrous. thankfully, the cute poem made up for it. tell me honestly, did you steal your four years old daughter's poem she wrote for her kindergarten crush?

also, i love what you said about sadness. i wish I had known that earlier.

thanks. i will try to be honest. I'm not so good in that field.

Night,
T

...

From Watsyourproblem
•(gsnothome@gmail.com)

To Teepakorn •(t.teepakorn@gmail.com)

wow you are good at making wild close guesses. eight years old she is, my daughter. and god i hope she's not having crush on anyone. or if she is, i hope she writes better verses than her father.

i read this somewhere - honesty is not always a good choice. but it is always the better option. never knew what it meant but guess it is saying one should be good in that field.

S

....

Tine reads the mail and like always, the ending snaps him back to reality and he wishes the mail was longer. that the night was longer and they could talk some more. but this time, the sweet ache blends into a bitterness. Tine surely doesn't like the person but he knows something changed now that he knows the person is most probably married.

something changed or broke, Tine doesn't want to think and so he sleeps. because while he stayed awake, there was no explosion. if anything, the explosion has an eight years old child. and Tine doesn't know why it's making him want to cry like an eight years old child.

🖤🤍