Love, War, & Beetles

Chapter 8 - Broken

Itto's POV

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     It took three days to realize how bad things were. I'd reached the spot and wandered back, assuming he'd gotten caught up with something. Once I realized he wasn't anywhere along the path, I ran back to Fort Fujitou. From there, someone called for Sangonomiya - I was forcibly taken out of the search efforts because my entire body was on fire and I couldn't suppress my oni blood.

     A week passed before word reached the Sangonomiya Shrine of his capture. Another week went by with nothing but panic. At some point, the burning had stopped and I was allowed to help, but after the first two weeks, they shipped me back to the fort.

     I didn't leave his bed except to use the restroom or force some food and water down. I rarely slept and even when I did, it was nothing but nightmares on what he was probably going through.

     It was one such miserable trips to stomach stale bread that the idea first slipped through the mindless white noise in my mind. I immediately shoved it off - I had no way to play through it.

     It happened again a week later while my face was buried in his pillow. Once more, I pushed it off - how was I supposed to start such a stupid plan?

      It repeated while I was standing in the shower a few days after. It took longer to ignore that time.

     And again the next day. And the next, and the next, and the next until eventually, I couldn't muster a reason not to. Other than the fact I also couldn't muster the energy to do anything. Even crying didn't help anymore. Everything felt pointless, especially when his scent was slowly disappearing from everything in the building.

     "Boss...?" Another common occurrence every day - Akira, Mamoru, Genta, or some combination of all three would knock on the cabin door and call for me. They always gave up.

     But that particular day, someone busted in anyway. I just laid still under the blanket with his sweater snuggled to my chest, still not moving when it was forcibly removed.

     "...Archons, you're a wreck. Get up."

     "Shit... Boss, you need to go outside."

     "Why?"

     "Because I need your help. Get up." The growl was instinctual even though I couldn't see her. "...Scoot over."

     "Why?"

     "Because I said so. Scoot." I curled into myself some more, hiding my face as the bed shifted. "Give me a minute guys."

     "But -"

     "Yes ma'am." I heard them all leave, the door shutting behind them.

     "Now tell me what you're thinking. Nobody's seen you for at least three weeks."

      "I'm tired..."

     "Itto." My chest squeezed - she'd never called me that. Nobody called me that. Nobody but him. "I can tell you're crying. Sit up. You can hold onto the sweater, but I need to see who I'm talking to." Following orders seemed easier than continuing to ignore her. "Thank you. Now explain how you're feeling."

     "You know how I'm feeling."

     "Like garbage cause you haven't had a proper meal or shower?"

     "It's my fault."

     "How?"

     "Don't give me that shit - we both know he'd be here if I wasn't a gullible fucking idiot."