Pain is my past (vigilante deku)

{30}

Wednesday morning comes and the boys wake up to the beeping of Denki's alarm. With a groan from each of them, they turned off the alarm and stretched with many clicks and cracks echoing in the room.

Luckily, they got up rather early and they did not have to rush around with even them being early when getting into their seats.

Izuku spent the morning looking out of the window and daydreaming of a life where he owned his own cafe and where he wasn't given the quirk he has now. How every morning he woke up waiting for torture.

That was when he realised he spent majority of his life either in torture or fighting for his own survival anyway. Sure he loves his parents and the family he made there, but it would've been nice if these nightmares/ flashbacks, (as he is starting to acknowledge) weren't possible.

He wants his mum and dad, he wanted to be normal. Yes he sees Aizawa as a parent figure, but there's only so much he can do, especially with how hard he works to save those in need and to be the true hero he is.

The morning was awkward for all the boys, Kirishima was especially nervous, he knew it was his night with Izuku, but he wanted a way out of it.

Kirishima was thinking of ways to get out of it. He couldn't ask his mum to see if he could sleep at Katsuki's a different night as he's already lucky to be able to spend one week away from home. Plus, he knew it would be difficult for him to try and act like he's with Izuku and wants to be with him when really he wants to just be with Bakugo.

Sure he cares for the others, but after some time, he's came to discover the differences between loving a friend and loving a partner, and he only saw the others as friends.

Once the lunch bell rang, Kirishima decided to tell Izuku that he couldn't get the night off from his mum as she had made dinner reservations for a relatives birthday. Izuku knew he was lying.

If it wasn't from the stuttering from the boy it was the long pauses and the looking up as if trying to make something up on the spot. The fact that they never shared eye contact and Kirishima rubbing at his neck as if trying to make the air more awkward for the two, definitely made it worse.

But of course, Izuku went along as if he believed him. "Of course Kiri, no worries and enjoy your dinner reservation with your family and tell whoever's birthday it is that I said happy birthday."

With that encounter done, the rest of the group joined up and started making their way towards the canteen.

They all got their favourite foods because why wouldn't you when you can get it for so cheap and made for you so quickly by lunch rush. Once they paid, they made their way towards their table that no one dares go to due to the fear of having Bakugo shout at them.

The three boys were constantly being handsy with one another, with holding hands under the table to rubbing soothing circles on each other's thighs.

It was comforting to each other, they weren't trying to be flirtatious, they were trying to tell the others that they still have the other two who care for them. This was definitely what each boy needed as across from them was Kirishima and Katsuki being very handsy with one another and being in their own little world, away from the other three.

It hurt the boys, more than they'd like to admit but they had each other through it all. Izuku however was mainly worried about what was going to happen tonight.

Tonight he had to spend a whole night alone, he had nightmares when the boys slept round, obviously they weren't as bad as when he accidentally falls asleep next to Aizawa, but they were still there. But now, he had to be all alone until the early hours and try and keep himself sane and not break down.

Lunch left as quickly as it arrived, and 1a were down at gym gamma, training for the sports festival. They all continued as they did for the day before, with Sero and Denki gawking at Izuku teaching Mina how to do flips and other flexible stunts.

But as the end of the day came, fear settled into the greenette. His steps were slow, he was the last one out, and as he made it to the front door, paranoia was already circling him.

His murmuring was getting louder as he tried to make himself some dinner. Something light was what he needed, he knew he may not be able to keep it down if it was heavy so something soothing and maybe with some jasmine tea to help him sleep.

He tried it all, but the fear was getting overbearingly strong. Maybe a distraction will help. He washed the dishes then got his weighted blanket and made his way to the television and put on some new series he was planning on watching.

/I suggest that you do not read the rest of this chapter if you struggle with panic attacks or do not like vomit or have ptsd of sort because id rather you be safe and happy then carry on reading/

It worked, it really worked until he completed it. Then he checked the time at saw 2:13 am. Of course, when he started this series, it was still light out, so he forgot to turn the lights on when it started getting darker.

Now all he had on him was his phone and his weighted blanket in the pitch black. As his paranoia starting getting worse, his weighted blanket started to feel like something holding him down, he felt like he was back on that table with the force of being pinned down.

Before he completely blacked out, he rang Aizawa.
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Aizawa was on his usual routine at night scouting the streets for villains to fight when his phone began to ring. He never bothers to looks at the name, he knows if anyone is ringing it's important.

He knows that because he's threatened everyone that that's the only reason they can ring.

But what he wasn't expecting was to hear sobbing and someone panting for breath. That was when he checked who called.

The name Izuku on his screen made his heart drop. He pocketed the phone and ran as fast as he could to his home. Wasn't someone meant to be sleeping over tonight? Why was he alone?

With a swift entrance to the house he turned on the living room lights and that's when he saw his son on the floor. Laying on his back crying and screaming while also gasping for breath.
He dragged Izuku's body to the downstairs bathroom as he knew the cold floor will keep his temperature down and maybe wake him up.

Once his full body was in the bathroom, he sat up quickly and put a hand to his mouth. Aizawa guided the boy to the toilet where Izuku proceeded to empty out his stomach. While Aizawa rubbed his stomach, he began to ask questions.

"Son it's okay it's just me, Shota Aizawa here rubbing your back as you come back from a ptsd attack. Who's meant to be here tonight with you and why aren't they here?"

Now his stomach couldn't take any more, the greenette sat back and began rocking with tears. "Kirishima was meant to spend the night but he *sniff* made up a lie that he was going out with *sniff* family so he could spend the night at Kacchans"

"That b*tch!"
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Dam that's a long chapter
Anyway I hope you enjoyed and if you couldn't read the ending I understand 100%.

Remember your mental health is one of the most important things for you and to basically sum it up. Izuku calls Aizawa and  he comes home and  Aizawa gets told about Kirishima bailing on Izuku.

See u in the next chapter :)