New Beginnings

7 - Forbidden Fruit

Connor started school and loved it. He felt like such a big boy. He had started to make friends and I couldn't be more thrilled. He came home every night talking non-stop about his classmates and Mr. Lee. He brought home artwork and Mom proudly displayed it on the fridge for all to see.

I hadn't seen Minhyuk in over a week. I had missed practice this week because I was hanging out with my sister. She wanted to get out of the house, so she and I went to the park for our walk. She was much stronger now and able to walk quite a bit before getting tired.

She told me that things had gotten more serious with Hyungwon and they had actually started talking about a future together. She was scared and excited, but not ready for marriage. She said he wasn't either.

"Connor loves him, so I am not worried about that," she said. "But I am worried about working together and being together."

"But you've been working together and 'being' together for over a year now."

"Yes, but it was still very casual. It isn't now."

"Are you gonna tell Mom?"

"Eventually."

"She'll figure it out."

"I know. She probably already has. You know how she is."

"Mmhmm," I mumbled. I hated not telling her Mom did know, but that was their conversation to have.

The conversation drifted to me and Minhyuk. She asked where things stood with us.

"They don't stand anywhere," I replied.

"What do you mean? Clearly you are into each other. Is he holding back?"

"No, it is me. I thought it was him at first, but it is me." I explained about the 'boundaries' and she shook her head at me.

"Silly Hannah, since when do you not speak up? How did you let any misunderstanding come between you? That is out of character for you."

"Everything is upside down with him. I am upside down. I can't stop thinking about him, no matter how hard I try."

"Maybe it is because you think you can't have him."

"Forbidden fruit?" I was beginning to see more clearly.

"Yeah. Forbidden fruit. Since you can't have him, you want him more."

"So you are saying if I give in, it will stop. If I just let things happen, when I go back to LA he will be out of my system."

"Something like that. If that is really what it is, then yes." Her argument made total sense. Or at least I wanted to believe it did.

"Hmm. But I still worry about Connor. I don't want to mess things up for him."

"I appreciate that. But I think he will be OK. You won't even be here."

"That is a good point. I just don't know. I need to think hard on this." We had made two laps around the walking path and it was time to head back to the car. I could see she was getting tired. "Let's get back. It is almost Connor's bedtime. He will stay up waiting if you aren't home."

We got back just in time for her to tuck him in. Papa stayed to tell him a story, and I went to do some yoga. I needed to think. I needed to clear my mind. I changed into a comfortable t-shirt and leggings and pulled my hair into a messy bun. I rolled out my mat and put on some soft music for background.

I felt my muscles taking in oxygen as they pulled and stretched. It felt good. I was able to focus my breathing and clear my head. It was the first time in days I had been able to do that. I spent extra time that night since I had missed a few nights lately.