A bunch of horrible people

My secret

My eyes slowly follow person x as they entered the grocery store. I didn't follow them inside but i waited in front of it as I nervously shifted my weight on each foot. It wasn't normal. Stalking people just isn't normal and it's sick. I can't believe that I'm waisting my time on a person that doesn't even know of my existence. I've never talked to that person. I don't even think I have ever really had eye contact with them but for whatever reason I can't get them out of my head. It's quite easy to follow them and stalk them since most of the time they are wearing headphones or are out with a friend or two. They weren't exactly special either, just a normal pedestrian you see every day. They were plain, like flour or an empty canvas. No distinguishing features like a tattoo or bright hair. I was almost a bit embarrassed about my choice, even if it wasn't really a choice. If I were to decide who'd I stalk it'd be some celebrity crush, not some boring person. As I was lost in thought I saw the sliding doors open and saw person x walk out with two bags which were filled about halfway each. I pretend to be on my phone, just in case they look at me. As they get on a bus I quickly make my way over and sit in the front, knowing quite well that they prefer the back. It wasn't unusual for me to be on the same bus as I see the same people on this bus a few times a day. It's a small world we live in after all. I lean into my seat and relax a bit and I can't help but shut my heavy eyes. Being obsessed with a stranger and stalking them is quite tiring. I haven't properly slept, eaten or worked since I started.
I must've slept quite well because as soon as I opened eyes I'm met with an empty bus at the close-by train station. The bus driver was outside smoking and I immediately realize that person x must've gone off the bus at some point. Lucky for me I know exactly where person x is. Like I've already mentioned: person x is very bland. Same clothing, hairstyle and routine. I wait until the bus driver returns and begins driving again. I get off as soon as i reach the destination where person x always gets off. I walk to their apartment building but I'm met with shock as I see that their lights are already turned off. Have they gone to sleep already? Impossible. Today was Friday. Person x would never sleep at this time without watching their show first or at least sitting in the living room being on the phone. It's not like I really would care if they were in trouble or if they died but this was unusual and gave me an icky stomach turning feeling. Did they perhaps have someone over? I didn't really care about their love life either and yet this change of routine really bothered me. Whatever. Maybe they had a rough day and needed sleep so I didn't think too much of it and made my way to my own place. I didn't live quite far away but it still took a 20 minute walk. I lived in a similar building but my building had a working elevator, which i am really thankful for since i have began being out so long. I ride the elevator up to my place before going down the corridor and unlocking the door. Immediately I'm met with the unpleasant smell of the trash that should've been taken out weeks ago and the dishes piling up in the sink. I sigh and slip out of my shoes and stretch. I decide to clean up my apartment as much as I think I can manage tonight. I'm usually very hygienic but I guess stalking that stupid nobody was more important. I take off my clothes and look at myself in the mirror. My skin was horrible. Dry. My hair is too long for my liking and my body is something I've always had problems with either way. I step into the shower and wash myself for an hour.

What even is my motive of stalking them? Did i Secretly like them, did I see myself in them? Do I see my parents in them? What was it? I didn't feel anything but emptiness that got filled by watching them do anything. Theres nothing I haven't seen of them yet. I watched them shower, masturbate, cook, cry, laugh, sleep and basically everything. I've seen them do the most personal and private things.

After showering for what seemed like an eternity I dried myself off and put on my usual sleep garments. As soon as I reached my small bedroom I let myself fall onto the semi soft bed and covered my body with the messy blanket. I was so tired but my thoughts kept me awake. For hours I just stared up at my ceiling before finally being able to fall asleep.