A bunch of horrible people

You're scary

A few weeks have passed and Alex now lived in the same apartment building as I am living in. It was quite easy to keep Alex a secret from Mary as I only saw him like once a week really- well I saw him once a week in which he saw me. I saw him everyday basically but without his knowledge.
'I really wanna see you more often. :('
'You know I need my distance.' I answered.
I honestly don't know what to do. I wanna see him more, more than I do when I stalk him. I think I'd feel too guilty if I met him more than Mary. Once again it's Saturday and I returned to my apartment and saw Mary standing outside. Im lucky that Alex has to work till 7 pm so he never saw Mary. I had my usual date with Mary and things went normal.
"Is something wrong Ethan? You seem so worn out lately..." they said and gently cupped my cheek. I felt like vomiting. I gently nod and hold her hand.
"Im okay. I just haven't slept well but I'm alright don't worry."
I gently kiss her and play with her hair. Her hair is as soft as Alex's. I couldn't help but think about Alex while having them in my arms. Mary, my partner really deserves better. I knew that but I didn't want to let them go . They care about me and I care about them. I can't hurt her.
"Just tell me if something's wrong okay? Oh and I kinda have to go tonight. I have to work tomorrow."
"Why's that?" I ask. Im almost a little jealous and suspicious.
"My boss changed it up. I have time on monday~" she said and kissed my nose.
Monday. Monday isn't a good idea- thats when me and Alex meet. That's when I cheat on my partner and spend even more time with someone I already know inside and out.
"I cant- on mondays I usually uhm... you know on mondays I just have alone time. You understand right?" I ask and gently grab her face.
She frowns and sighs, "yeah. I understand Ethan."
Mary must be mad. I mean I've been barely doing things with them. I barely even pay attention to them and I basically never text them. Mary gets up.
"I'm gonna go now."
"No dont go." I grab her wrist.
"Let me go Ethan- clearly something's wrong. I dont know who you met or what happened but I feel unappreciated."
I pulled her down with a rough pull. She immediately fell on top of me and tried to push me away but I forcefully pushed her onto the couch.
"Mary calm down okay?! I promise I will be better. I promise! Okay? Just dont leave me okay? Dont leave me." I yell at her.
They looked a little scared but also pissed off.
"Ethan- it's okay." They gently cupped my cheek again as I was breathing heavily. This wasn't healthy whatsoever. I slowly got off them and sat on the floor and cover my face with my hands. Mary slowly leaned down and held me.
"What happened?" She whispered into my ear.
"I don't know. Just- theres a lot happening in my head." I admit and hold her arm. "But I'll be okay."
She nods and closes her eyes.
"I'm really sorry Mary. How about we do something on monday huh? Go out and have a good time." I offered.
"Anndddd you won't be grumpy even if I choose something you absolutely hate~" they snickered and kissed my neck.
"Of course not~"
"Great. Monday it is~ i really have to go now. I gotta sleep early." They got up and went to put on their jacket, scarf and boots. I kissed her goodbye and laid down on my couch.
'Hey, I know usually monday is our day but I have an appointment far away.'
About 29 minutes later I got a response.
'That's okay :) make it up to me though! You better have time on Wednesday'
'Yeah but I get off work at 4 pm if that's okay.'
'Yeah I'll pick you up Eth! I might even shop around and ask you dumb questions.'
I smile as I read his message and put away my phone.
I don't feel the need to stalk him right now. Am I cured by any chance? But it is weird that I barely saw him. Did he by any chance see other guys too while I'm at work. This suddenly bothered me and made me angry. I felt myself getting overwhelmed again.
'Alex, lets meet today.'
'Isn't it kinda late? I mean I'm all up for it if you are Eth.'
'Yeah I wanna meet. Let's go to your apartment.'
Hours pass and Alex knocked on my door. I answered and we immediately went into Alex's apartment. Things got heated pretty quickly as I immediately pressed him against a wall and kissed him. He returned each kiss and gently rubbed his hand against my back. He then moved his head and bit my neck. I picked him up which he seemed to like because he immediately blushed.
"What's gotten into you Eth? You're the touchy one right now." He teased.
I didn't answer and instead just kissed his jaw and neck.
"Hey Eth,you okay?" He asked but I continued to just kiss his neck.
Soon enough I put him down and pulled him towards his bedroom. We got onto his bed snd continued to kiss. Soon enough I moved on top of him, "Alex." I just said and looked down at him for a while. "Are you seeing anyone else that isn't me?" I ask in a serious tone. I could choke him to death right now. I could stab him. I could drown him. I could make his face unrecognizable and make him unable to speak. I could do anything to him right now.
"Ethan no of course not. I really like you dude." He smiled and pulled me down for a short kiss. My body slowly relaxes.
"Okay..."
"Dude You're being so weird!" Alex giggled and tried to push me off but I pressed him down. I didn't let him have his freedom. I was purposely trying to make him feel small.
"Alex I know you."
"You know me? Where do I like getting kissed the most?" Alex asked in a jokingly way. I slowly moved down to his waist. I push up his hoodie and shirt to reveal his skinny body. I gently place a kiss underneath his belly button before moving back up snd laying next to him. This was fucking weird. Why did I do that? Why did I press him down. Why did I press Mary down. What the fuck is wrong with me. I should just go and die. Alex got on top of me this time and returned the favor. My tummy isn't skinny though. I'm quite chubby but ne didn't seem to mind- in fact he seemed to like it.
I covered my face in embarrassment and he laid next to me.
"Big spoon me." Alex demanded and I did as he said. Spooning is so uncomfortable not gonna lie but it was nice to do it with Alex. I breathed in his scent and sighed. I was quite tempted to steal something in his apartment. I think my obsession turned into something more romantic.
"Alex promise me I'm the only guy you're seeing."
"I promise. You better promise the same."
"I promise you're the only guy im seeing." I wasnt completely lying.
Mary still considered themselves as a girl but she did want me to use they them and she her. She also wants me to call them my partner which I'm okay with. I think I'm going insane. Honestly I dont know how much longer I can keep up with this.
Alex turned around to face me and smiled at me.
I looked at him.
"You can be really scary. I mean your facial expressions." Alex gently grabbed my face.
I turned away.
"Yeah- sorry." I said.
Alex made me look at him. He pressed his lips against mine and gently pressed his tongue in my mouth and I returned the gesture. French kisses weren't my favorite but nonetheless i enjoyed them a little. I slowly held Alex's hand.
Suddenly though I felt the urge to throw up. I pushed him away and ran to his bathroom and locked myself inside. I didn't vomit but instead just looked at myself in horror. I really am scary.