(I finally drew Alex- ) (Please dont judge me for this chapter it includes kinda non con and sex and shit yea)
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Being a Junkie made me spend most of my money so it was about time to go look for a new job. Mary came by on monday and helped me write some applications for different stores and such. Our relationship wasn't really as physical anymore as we barely saw each other but that was mostly my fault. I tried to see Mary as a bad person in order to feel less guilty but deep down I know I'm a bad guy. While she was sitting at my desk and reading through my application I slowly put my arms around her and looked at her face. "Mary? Do you still love me?" She sighed. "Yes Ethan. I'm just worried you know? Maybe you need a therapist or a break I don't know." She leaned back and cupped my cheek. I definitely did not want to lose her but I knew that I lost my love for Mary. I lost my feelings for them but at the same time I wouldn't be able to see them move on from me because I'm selfish. I didn't want to feel like Mary is a choice. Although at the moment I don't even know if Alex is a good choice. Maybe neither of them is a good choice. Alex and Mary don't know about my drug use yet but I'm pretty sure that Mary is suspecting it.
A week later I got a job at some old record store. Honestly I wasn't really happy but I cant really afford not to work. I should probably look into working two jobs to afford living in my apartment at the moment and to still buy my few minutes of happiness. I should also probably admit to both Alex and Mary I've been cheating on both of them but I have no idea how to do so. It's monday but Mary hasn't visited me yet, kinda shitty how I make her visit me. Instead Alex knocked on my door at 6pm and I opened the door. He smiled at me as he held up a bag of mc donalds. We ate together and suddenly Alex began speaking. "Ethan, if you want to continue this relationship with me I need you to talk with me. I know something is wrong." "Oh? Wow you're so cheesy" I tease but he didn't smile. Instead he looked at me with a serious look. "Ethan I'm not your dad, you need to take care of yourself okay?" He said and leaned in to kiss my cheek. I nodded and sighed. Soon enough I began kissing him all over. I needed this. Alex was my healthier drug which I enjoyed just as much as heroin. Maybe it wasn't as healthy as I think since being obsessed with someone isn't healthy. At some point we end up laying on the couch together with Alex on top of me. He kissed my neck furiously while I was looking through some tv programs. I then made Alex take off his glasses so it was more comfortable to have his face pressed against my body. "Eth, I really want to be with you forever. I want our relationship to be honest though." Did he know? Did he know everything? My stomach turns and I slowly nod. "Yeah- no I agree." Alex straddles me and cups my cheeks. "Ethan are you an honest person?" I look up at him. I know that I'm way taller than Alex but looking up at him was fucking terrifying. He managed to look so big like this. "Uhm-" i couldn't really talk properly because Alex cut me off by kissing me. I felt his elegant hands wrap around my neck. He didn't press down but it did make me have a cold sweat. He slowly pulled away from me and left a trail of spit. "Ethan I jerk off to the thought of you." "Excuse you?" "What." "What." I look up at Alex with an open mouth. Did he just say that or am I like in some alleyway. "What the fuck Alex." I blurted out with a small chuckle at the end. Alex gently brushed my dark brown hair out of my face. "Ethan-" Suddenly the door opened to Mary inviting herself in. She first had a huge smile across her face but it quickly turned to a shocked look. "What the fuck." Mary said and her eyes filled with tears. I got up and practically threw Alex off me. I quickly ran after Mary as she was walking away. "Let go off me!" They yelled at me. I didn't let go and forcefully pushed them into my apartment. Alex stared at me and Mary but didn't seem too phased. "Ethan you could've just told me you didn't like me." She now was crying like crazy. She barely was able to breathe and they kept hiccuping. I tried hugging them but Mary just pushed me away. "Mary-" "Ethan I don't want to hear any excuses. I just want to go home you know?" "I know. Just please don't do anything. I'm begging you." I know that Mary has a history of suicidal thoughts and self harm. I'm pretty sure that she will most likely cover her arms the next time I will see her. Mary ended up going home and I was left with Alex. Alex who didn't scream, cry or even care. "Do you really think I didn't notice Ethan?" He asked. "What" "Ethan I'm pretty flattered that you stalked me and tried to keep Mary a secret in order to not hurt my feelings but I know you just as much as you know me." Knowing that Alex knew all along kind of made me feel sick. That or the fact I didn't take heroin for about 18 hours now. I run to the toilet and violently vomit. I'm able to make out that Alex was standing in the door frame and slowly kneeled down to me. He grabbed my arm and rolled up my sleeve before injecting a needle and kissing the spot where he had injected it in. I finished vomiting and washed my mouth. He grabbed me and kissed me. I ended up just returning the kiss and almost falling onto him. Alex dragged me to the bed but I ended up on top of him. He smiled at me with open arms and I just laid on top of him. For a few seconds we just were silently laying there but I ended up feeling Alex's hard on. For whatever reason I was brave enough to gently rub him through his pants. I think Alex knows I'm not exactly here right now and took that to his advantage but I really didn't care. I gently unzipped his pants and pulled them off. He kept whispering that I'm a good boy. "You're such a good boy Ethan.." I didn't know how to feel about this praising but it certainly didn't stop me. I then began pulling off his boxers until he was left with nothing but his shirt and sweater. I stared at his body. His soft pale skin perfectly matched my black sheets. He looked like an oil painting. I gently slid my hands up his sweater and shirt to feel his hips, stomach and chest. I couldn't help but feel awkward because of the look Alex gave me. Out of embarrassment I kinda looked away. Alex made me look at him. "It's okay Ethan." I nodded and gently began jerking him off. I didn't really know what to do so I guessed that's what he wanted. I don't really know if this is what I want. Alex seemed to really enjoy it because I noticed the precum. He was so sensitive. I kinda rubbed my wet hand while looking at him and he gave me a look of encouragement. I was on drugs and yet weirdly horny but grossed out and tired. I didn't think my first time would be me on drugs having sex with some dude. I unzipped my pants and got my dick out now. I was semi hard- probably because I had other things on my mind right now. "Ethan how are you only halfway hard right now- " "Shut up" i kinda felt so tired right now. Everything was moving so slowly. I looked down and felt Alex pressing against me and I took the hint and slowly pushed myself into him. He immediately tightened and sat up to hold me. For a moment we both just were not moving . Being inside him felt nice. It was warm and kind of comforting. I was only in with my tip though and I needed more comfort than just that. Slowly I pushed in my length while Alex was digging his nails into my clothed back. I felt his legs shaking. I should've probably loosened him up first because I realized he was bleeding. "Oh shit Alex are you okay?" I kinda ask. "Yeah it's fine Ethan- just take it slow okay?" He asked and kissed my neck. I did as he told me to and I just went gentle on him despite the fact that he basically just drugged me and admitted to stalking me while knowing I stalk him. Knowing that made me kinda angry for whatever reason. Having sex with him was weirdly nice and stuff but it was also really awkward. The silence was so loud. I decided to make some noise by moving a little more rough which made him grunt and hold me tightly. "Ethan jerk me off." He demanded and I kinda just decided to do whatever he told me to do. I moved my hand in between our bodies and began jerking him off while being inside him. "It's not gay if we wear socks right?" I jokingly ask to make the situation less awkward for me. "You're seriously worried about being gay while basically being balls deep in me?" "Lowkey kinda." "Yes its gay even with socks." He said and laughed a little. His laugh was so breathy ? Is that even a word? Well I just know he sounds really hot right now. "I kinda feel guilty for having gay sex right after my partner just saw us." "Don't talk about Mary right now Eth." "Sorry." I started to move again. "Yeah concentrate on moving Eth." He moaned out and for some reason that was kinda cringe to me. "Why are you a horrible person kind of." I suddenly say or well ask. "What?" Alex kinda moved away but I was still very much inside him. "The guilt is eating me up but you don't give a shit." "You're the cheater here. If anyone is a bad person it's you." Alex pushed himself against me again. Bad person. I'm a bad person yeah. He's not wrong. "Ethan let's talk later okay?" He said and I nodded and began moving more quickly as well as moving my hand up and down his dick. He came in my hand and I wiped it off on my shirt. When I was close I pulled out and came on his hip by accident. I was breathing heavily and wanted to apologize and get tissues but I ended up falling on the bed next to him. I wasn't crying but Alex decided to comfort me while gently kissing my forehead. Mary was on my kind. What were they doing? Did they fuck with someone else as well or were they self harming? I felt guilty and held Alex tightly for comfort until we both fell asleep like that.
