Fragments of Their Story

3rd story

The instant your last step finally settles on the seemingly abandoned concrete everything suggests seclusion. No unnerving noices, no hectic people barging their way through - just peace and quiet.
'Which place, that is not in the middle of nature could this possibly be?' you might ask, to which I'd answer 'The top of a skyscraper... preferably at night.'
Now moving to the edge casually take a look at your feet let your eyes wander further below to the street lights illuminating the previously evaded busy nightlife. It's not supposed to give you that ludicrous feeling of superiority, it - and this is of high importance - has a devine soothing effect which clears your mind and gives you strength by freeing you from every day life. Isn't it magnificent, like a spell that has been cast on every single one without failure. Like my personal charm that whichever higher entity decided to bless me with, right after confirming upon my doom.

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"Ann u still down there!" My cousin's loud voice boomed from above. "Yeah just gimme a sec I'm about done!" I responded only now realising that I've been working till dawn again. I love my work and all the benefits that come with it. Tailoring, reshaping, consulting with my clients, and sinking into the world of fashion but sometimes it feel like I'm going to cave in from all the pressure and work.
I stood up stretched my arms and back and turned the soft jazz music off that still played in the background.
"Ann c'mon it's late and mom's worried cus you don't come over for dinner lately. Do I seriously have to drag you away from here each and every time?" He stood right next to me now looking at me with a smug face. "Sorry for trying to earn my share of money and trying to survive on my own eventhough I'm 24 and still in dire need of supervision. Also what's 'always' supposed to mean, ha?" "Oh come on it's just dinner and once or twice a week. Don't blow it out of proportion." I had to look at him with a deadpanned face. Ignoring my question isn't going to make it unsaid. Although on retrospect it sure did sound rhetorical... I guess. I couldn't come up with a comeback on the spot not without sounding whiny or copying him by changing the topic. It's not so much the food... I mean who'd turn down free food, right? I'm just desperately trying to not be a burden to them anymore... Which I already have been dead on doing my whole life. Watching them being the awesome family they are, I always had that subtle feeling of being an outsider. Which thrived now more than ever.
The constant questions about why I look so thin, eventhough I'm not, or sympathetic looks just keep on adding up on the petty reasons that might be totally rediculous to many but for me they are just there in my head whenever I'm visiting my so called family.
Reasons for not feeling comfortable being around them, as nasty as it might sound.
"Tell them I have a lot on my plate right now and I'll come over as soon as I'm done with all the work that's been piling up. I'm tired and dinner at our's is just way too loud for my poor head right now." I couldn't look at his face that I already new had a big crease right between his eyebrows indicating a by now tippical worried look. So I turned around and started to gather all the sheets with designs, put all the pencils, chalk and other random utensils to their proper place, and searched for small pieces of fabric that I hadn't already thrown into the 'snippet bag' as I called it. I heard a big sigh behind me when I hurled around "What exactly is going on in that head of yours? I mean everything was fine when u lived with us, right? As soon as the stupid idea of moving out came up you started to get further and further away from us. I mean you don't really think that noone noticed, right? God damn it Ann we're not idiots! I feel like if I can make you come over now then it won't ever happen anymore." It hurt looking at his pained face and knowing it was my fault knowing that I couldn't do anything to make it better. So I did the one thing I knew to calm him down even just for now. I game him a big hug and opened up. "Sorry J, I'm so sorry. I-" I took a shaky breath and tried again "I just need some time." This wasn't supposed to happen this was the exact confrontation I wanted to dodge. After sorting out my thought I started my rambling again. "I promise I won't cut you guys off. you are my family, how could I. But look at me. I'm freaking 24 years old don't you think it's time for me to get my life sorted out? I'm a freaking late bloomer at this." a small chuckle escaped my mouth "You guys spoil me so much and I feel so indebted to you it's unreal." Trying to escape the bear hug I looked up to his face. The fact that he was already way bigger than me even though he was barely 16 plain in sight. "And what's with this height if u grow any bigger u won't fit into normal clothes!" A soft smile spread on his face gave me the cue that he's fine. " Well my sis is a tailor I'm sure she can do something about that." "The hell I can! how am I supposed to earn money if I'm giving everything away ha?" This, our joking conversations and the calm atmosphere is something that's been more present for a while now. I don't know whether it's because we're older now or because I'm not living in the same house anymore but it's nice and somewhat reassuring.