as it is || harry styles au

sixteen

tw // talk of rape, sexual assault

3 months later — december

i v o r y

     "Zizi Em!"

"JJ!" The amount of nicknames that kid had was infinite and a great deal of them came from Emerson.

I held Jamie back until Emerson crossed the thick security line painted on the floor that separated the baggage claim from the terminals. When I released his shoulders, he sprinted over to Em who crouched down with their arms wide open to their nephew.

It was winter break for Jamie—as well as for Emerson at the daycare—so it was the perfect time for them to visit. We tried to get Jenna and Mickie to come out, too, but their work schedules wouldn't allow it.

I now had my own place I rented in Camden. It was in an older apartment complex on the edge of town, and it added fifteen minutes to our drive to work and school, but it was worth it to have a better sense of independence. The remainder of my savings account was drained on getting a car of my own because driving Mom's wouldn't be an option when living across town. That, and I wasn't speaking to her very often these past few months.

"I missed you, J-Dog." Em fussed up Jamie's hair that I spent all morning trying to keep out of his eyes. It was a difficult task trying to maintain a little boy's hair while also refraining from getting it cut due to his fear of razors and scissors.

Finally, I got my own hug from Em. A big one. Then they held me at arms length, giving me a long, concerned once over. Surely, they saw the dark under eye circles that I failed to cover adequately with concealer. The brightness lost in my eyes. The slight shake of my hands from chronic anxiety. All were things I noticed in myself. "We have a lot to talk about, don't we?"

"Of course we do." Too much. "But first...Jamie has a surprise for you at home."

An hour later, Em was all settled in at the apartment and my kitchen was a mess with ice cream sundae ingredients. Chocolate syrup was smeared all over Jamie's hands which transferred onto the counter, Em had an accident with the sprinkles after opening the wrong side of the shaker, and I was having a great time watching my son laugh and be carefree with my best friend.

     "J, what's on your Christmas wish-list this year?" Em asked.

   They already knew because I'd sent them a photo of Jamie's list a couple of weeks ago because they wanted to get some things for him when they came, but we also both knew Jamie's likes and dislikes changed day-to-day.

     "I want a race car bed! Bobby has one."

     He was currently sleeping on my mattress and bed frame taken from Mom's house. I wanted him to be able to still have his room and bed over there if he ever stayed with her so we didn't take his, but I couldn't afford a whole new set especially with Christmas right around the corner. I was currently slept on an inflatable bed, but I was hoping to change that once the holidays blew over.

"A race car bed, huh," Em pondered. "Who's Bobby?"

     "My friend. He's in my class. Also, did you know my teacher's brother is Momma's friend?"