as it is || harry styles au

twenty-two

tw // mention of rape

i v o r y

     Mom knew.

     I hadn't come home grinning so hard my cheeks hurt since I was a teenager.

She was sitting on the couch with a Family Feud rerun muted on the television. I waved to Harry out in his car as he waited for me to lock up.

"Sorry, it's late," I told Mom.

She looked over at the clock on the wall. "It's only eleven o'clock. I expected you much later."

I toed off my shoes and set them neatly by the door.

"How was it?"

"Good."

     It was only when I walked into the dark living room and sat beside her on the couch that I realized she had tears in her eyes.

     My smile fell. I reached over and touched her shoulder. "Mom, are you okay?"

"Sorry, sorry, I'm alright." She wiped her cheeks. "It's just...you haven't stopped smiling since you walked in. I've missed that look."

I sighed in relief that nothing was actually wrong.

"Did Jamie get to bed alright?"

"He liked being in his old room again. He asked about a million and a half questions about you and Harry."

     My heart rate spiked. "What kind of questions?"

     I worried that Jamie might think Harry would come between the two of us. Would he think I'd choose Harry over him? Would he be confused how he fits into our lives?

     As a single mom, recently my nights were plagued with thoughts like these.

     "He asked what you guys were doing, why he couldn't come with, and if Harry would be able to read him another chapter from Magic Treehouse. Has he been reading to him?"

     Okay, okay, I soothed myself. These aren't terrible questions. Sort of sweet really.

     "A couple nights he has. After the Jake thing, he stayed over a few times. Slept on the floor."

     Her eyes softened, and I watched Mom's guard completely crumble before me.

     "He really cares about you both."

     For once, I was willing to admit I agreed. "He does."

     She put one hand on my knee and the other on the side of my neck. "You deserve to be happy, honey. Harry has always been your happy. He's clearly becoming Jamie's, too."

I hadn't heard it put that way before, but it was true.

"I know. I'm trying, Mom."

"Take your time, okay?" She patted my knee. "I'm gonna head to bed. You'll sleep in Jamie's room?"

"I'll take the couch."