as it is || harry styles au

nineteen

tw // mention of suicide

h a r r y

"Love, do you mind opening the door for Molly?"

Mum's ten-year-old cat who insisted on being outside more than in scurried through the open back door. She meowed up at me then jumped onto the counter where Mum prepared dinner.

Alden, Lena, and Will would soon be over to Mum's house for our Sunday dinner. I wanted Ivory, Jamie, and Em over, too, but it was Em's last night in Camden before heading back to Boston for the holidays, and I knew they'd want their time together.

     "Can you start the kettle for me? I'm going to grab some wine from the garage."

"Sure."

She left the room.

I was stalling.

All I could think about was Alden telling me months back about Mum not believing Ivory had cheated on me, and like a relentlessly stubborn prick, I refused to listen. She'd been right. So fucking right and it made me sick.

"Are you doing okay, love?" Mum set two bottles down on the counter. "You look like you haven't been getting good rest."

A couple of hours a night to be exact.

My hands gripped the counter top. "Did you know?"

"Know what?"

I would never ever discuss what happened to Ivory without her permission and her being right there with me. But Mum had talked with her on her own, and I had a feeling she knew more than she let on.

I only said her name. "Ivory."

Her smile fell and shoulders sank. A shadow crossed her face that could only be explained away by a suspicion she wished was not confirmed. She was guilty of the same thing I was. Shoving away the hard truth in hopes it didn't exist.

"Harry..."

"Mum..."

She crossed the kitchen to reach me, but a hug wasn't something I needed. I didn't want to be touched.

When I didn't turn to embrace her, she stopped beside me. "She told you?" She asked.

I didn't say anything. I didn't nod or shake my head.

     I found out what I needed to, and that was my mum was aware of Ivory's situation before and tried to warn me, but I refused to pay any attention.

Mum's hand went to her chest."Oh, Ivy..."

I bowed my head.

Tonight was the first night in three days where I hadn't been at Ivory's place. For three nights, I'd slept on Ivory's bedroom floor. There'd been no sign of Jake around Camden, but neither Ivory nor Jamie had complained about me being there. They single-handedly were responsible for my couple hours of sleep a night versus getting none at all if I were to leave them alone.