as it is || harry styles au

epilogue

i v o r y

— 1 y e a r l a t e r —

What did I do?

What did we do?

This couldn't be happening. What if this ruined our lives? What if this destroyed everything?

I wasn't sure if it was the anxiety or the baby growing in my uterus that had me getting sick again in the toilet.

I was in full panic mode. One by one, I picked each of the three tests up. Checking them all again.

All positive.

The morning sickness that I experienced everyday for the past week and being four weeks like for my period were the signs that led me to buying the tests. Harry hadn't noticed the morning sickness since I stomped down the urge until he left for work.

I couldn't believe it.

But I also could.

I was shit at taking my birth control pills and Harry knew it. Yet we still fucked like rabbits.

Surprise! Pregnant.

     Life was great. We had a rhythm. I worked with businesses in the county, and sometimes further away, as an occupational psychologist. My schedule was flexible. I took Jamie to school while Harry picked him up. We went out as a family at least once a week and went out on dates, just the two of us, every other weekend.

     Jamie was getting older. He was seven now. It was beautiful to watch my son develop into an actual human being with opinions and good morals, living life as a happy kid.

He looked up to Harry and I. I didn't want him to view us in any other light.

     What if he didn't want a sibling? What if he felt left out or alone?

     I couldn't fathom it.

     I got sick again, then picked myself up off the floor. I took several minutes to breathe in complete silence.

     I'd go to work, come home, talk to Jamie, and from there, I'd talk to Harry. That's it. Done.

     I went to work late.

After dropping off Jamie, I went to a clinic in Midvale and confirmed my pregnancy with a urine test. I called and set up an appointment for an ultrasound with my OB-GYN for later in the week because I knew that was something Harry wouldn't want to miss for the world.

     When I got home after work, I spent five minutes parked in the driveway crying. If I took any longer, I was afraid Harry would notice that my car was there, then come out to investigate and find me a mess.

"Hey, Mama." He greeted me in the kitchen with a kiss. "How was work?"

"Good. Long. I need a shower."

So much for acting normal. I'd ran out of that kitchen like a bat out of hell. I never don't spend at least a solid minute making out with him if Jamie's not in the vicinity—which he wasn't.