wasn't it obvious? [byler]

part 6. Mike

[2 weeks ago]

"Will I promise I didn't do it!!" I manage to say while laughing

"You did!! I know you wrote that!!" WIll says, his eyes are watery from laughing so much.

It feels good to be back to how we once were.

"I would neverrrrr put a 'kick me' sign on your back, what do you mean??"

Suddenly, Will lunges at me. We fall back and start wrestling. 

"I swear, I'm gonna die from laughing!! Get off of me Will!" I say

"Not until you admit it!" Will declares

I'm not giving this fight up that easily. I plant my feet and quickly flip over to where I'm no longer on the ground. Now it's Will that's trying to get away.

"Hey, that's not fair!" Will says as he tries to kick me off of him.

"You're way too small to win this fight, Will!! Why don't YOU just give up?!" I add, struggling to stay on top of him.

Will looks up at me and his eyes soften.

I stare down at him and...i-

I become aware of what's happening, it's intense almost.

Will notices that I've backed off and stops laughing.

We get up and sit on the couch. I really don't know why I'm like this all of the sudden.

Will turns to me, placing his hand on my shoulder.

"What's wrong? I'm sorry, I just thought we were joking..." He says

I look at him, really look at him. There's always been something about him. The way his dimples form when he laughs too much. Or the little chip on his top tooth, that's been there since we met. And the way he almost always knows what to say, even when I've been talking about the same thing for hours.

That's what happens with all best friends though...right?

I mean, well, I guess I've never thought about Dustin or Lucas this way but I've known Will longer. That's it, just the timing.

Just best friends.

Oh. I haven't responded yet.

"OH yeah sorry... I'm, yeah I'm fine" I respond

Well, that wasn't convincing at all.

"You sure? You're face got really white..." WIll says, adding a slight laugh at the end

"Yeah.. my stomach hurts, that's it." I lie, but it's honestly starting to

"Oh alright, maybe I should get going then?" Will asks

I feel bad but... I don't know.

Sometimes I look at him and just, feel different.

We've been friends forever, and we've gone through so much. But all of that combined doesn't amount to what I feel for him. It isn't a feeling that comes and goes either. With El, I would get annoyed or overwhelmed, but with Will... he makes it better. The feeling just grows. And I hate when he leaves. Or when he's mad at me. Or when we're not together. I just need time to think, like always.

"Sure, I don't want you to catch my bug if I'm sick" I add, laughing to lighten the mood

"Okay... Can I use the phone? I should probably call Johnathan to come to get me." Will mentions

"Yeah, yeah, let me make sure the line isn't busy."

And just like that, I've ruined a perfectly good moment.

[later that night]

I pull out my diary, no one knows I have this. I used to write daily letters to El but I've kinda stopped. Dad says it's girly to write letters if you're not sending them to anyone because then it's just a journal. Obviously, my dad is not a big advocate for sharing your feelings.

I was gonna write about how I felt about Will, to try and figure it out. I mean, it's not like I have a crush on him, I think. No, no, I'm not gay. Just...friendly..?

Maybe I should just write him a letter, I might actually send it to him this time. If anyone knows how to interpret my feelings, it's Will.

I rip out a fresh page.

                Dear Will,