Sight And Sorries

Chapter Forty-Two

  Adira  

Laying in my bed beside Evan feels right and wrong at the same time. Even though we aren't touching. My hands folded into each other on my stomach as I stare at the ceiling. I can't bring myself to look at him. I was avoiding talking and touching him. Evan and I both knew there was only two options. 

Noal probably sleeping two rooms down by himself, unaware. It feels almost like betrayal and I haven't even done anything. I couldn't control what happened when I touched Evan. The same way I couldn't when I touched Noal. It was fated, destiny, the Moon Goddess. I didn't have a say. 

Tala seemed calm, despite her being angry at me for kicking Noal out of the room. She wanted to feel Evan's touch. Mark him as ours, and she didn't care that I thought it was selfish. It wouldn't be fair, not to Noal or Evan. Sharing me when I knew I would never be okay sharing them if the roles were reversed, it made me feel guilty, dirty somehow.

The right thing to do would be to let Evan go. To reject him so he could find someone else. Yet as I peek over at him I swallow a huge lump that built up in my throat. I knew I could never reject him. Evan would have to reject me, and it only made me feel worse. Asking him to reject me would be selfish too.

"Say something, Adira." Evan sighs.

Turning my head to the left I take in his eyes. The turquoise blues that reminded me of tropical waters. I could so easily get lost in them, pretend it's all going to be okay and just stare into them. Let the weight of them embrace me making me feel safe and confident. "I don't want to lose either of you. I don't know what to do. Tell me what I should do, Evan. I can't live without you but he's already marked me. What if he loses it? What if he doesn't want to share? It's not fair for me to ask him to, or you. It's selfish and I know it. So tell me, what should I do? Because if I found out you or Noal had a second mate I'd be going mad. How are you so calm?"

Shrugging, Evan's fingers hover across my cheek. Tucking a strand of hair behind my ear as the corner of his lips tugged up slightly. "I found my mate. I have no reason to be mad. I had the honor of knowing you as a friend first. Falling in love with you as a person. I know you're a strong, caring, gorgeous person with so much love to offer. I'd be an idiot if I didn't show you I was worthy of your love in return. I'll admit I'm not glad I have to share my mate. If I have to I will, but you were my friend first. I'd of died for you then and I'll die for you now. If I had to pick anyone to share you with it would be Noal. I know he's capable of keeping you safe, and he'd do anything to make sure of it. I sat beside you and held your hand while he held his wolf back. If he can do that so can I. I think if he knew he'd tell you the same thing I'm going to. I'm glad there's someone else I can trust you around. Someone who can show you love and affection the way you deserve. Take care of you the way I would and keep you safe. After everything you've been through it won't be me who makes it harder on you. Don't feel guilty, or selfish. Just accept it. Embrace it. Let me in. Let me experience a true mate. Let yourself experience what the Goddess intended."

"What if he says no?" I murmur, Turing onto my side and tucking my hands under my cheek.

"The only way he's keeping me from you is if he kills me." Evan shrugs, turning to face me. "And he wouldn't, because he loves you. If he was going to hurt me he'd of tried the day we met him. He might be a bit vicious, but when it comes to you he's held himself back. Your happiness means more to him. Even if my wolf wants to tear him apart for threatening you and hurting your hand."

"That was when he assumed he'd have me to himself once he marked me." I pick imaginary fluff from the pillow case. "He's unpredictable. He didn't mean to hurt me, and I'm pretty sure he wouldn't actually break my legs, but he might break yours." I joke, trying to lighten the subject.