That's why I..

Chapter Sixty

Clarke POV 

Lexa and I wake the next morning before the sun has risen and send a message to Raven telling them to meet us at the dropship as soon as possible. We need as much technology as we can get if Raven is going to help Lexa in the city of light so we can't have her meet us here in Polis but it is too dangerous in Arkadia. Both Lexa and I felt that it was a good compromise to meet at the dropship and get Raven to bring as much technology as she can smuggle out safely. We go over the plan a couple more times but decide that getting to the dropship quickly and trying to pull all of this off is more important than figuring out every detail. We, of course, don't know what's going to happen once Lexa actually enters the city anyway so there's no point in planning any further than that. 

As we exit Polis on our horses, a few people give us questioning looks. That is one of the downsides to Lexa being the commander - her schedule is quite well publicised and therefore people know when she is supposed to be leaving the city. She just gives them all knowing nods and continues on as if nothing is wrong. 

I hold in my fears and keep up a professional front until we are completely by ourselves. 
"Lexa. I'm worried" I admit quietly hoping that the sound of our galloping horses would mask my speaking. It clearly doesn't because Lexa slows down her horse slightly so that she can be next to me. She turns her face to me and I can tell straight away that she is in commander mode and any sort of emotional reassurance isn't going to come. 
"You are afraid you will not be able to assist me once I am inside the city of light" she says, even when she's the commander she can still see into my soul. 
"Yeah" I respond honestly 
"Clarke, I know it is hard for you but most of my life I have spent fighting without anyone by my side. As a Natblida I was trained in combat to a high level. I have been the commander for many years and became that way by winning the conclave. I know how to fight and I know how to handle myself." she says matter of factly 
"Yeah I know that but I just worry about you" I feel a few tears escape my eyes and I'm not even sure why. I trust Lexa and I've seen her fight I know that she'll be okay and that she certainly doesn't need my help.  Lexa notices my tear and without saying anything looks me in the eye and wipes my tear away for me, silently saying 'I love you'. I know that when she's in commander mode, especially before a battle she needs to stay that way, so this small gesture is enough for me. 

When we arrive at the dropship, Raven is already there with Octavia, Monty, Jasper and Murphy. I find it odd to see Murphy but he is the first to greet us. 
"Hey Clarke. I'm only here because it was better than being stuck in Arkadia. Excited Lexa?" Murphy says in his normal joking voice 
"Heda" I quickly correct him when I see disapproval cross over Lexa's face 
"Sorry Heda. Everyone is through here." He gives a small and genuine looking apology bow to Lexa and shows us through into the dropship. Everyone is crowded around something that I can't quite see. They part when we get close and I can see that they have a broken looking screen hooked up to four radios and then what looks like one of Jaha's chips connected as well. Raven is sitting and typing away at the computer with Monty and Jasper giving her the occasional helpful comment and Octavia is standing slightly away looking just as confused as I feel. Raven looks up and acknowledged us as we walk in but doesn't stop typing. 

Octavia comes over to Lexa and I. She is in her full war paint, the same as Lexa and is also in formal warrior mode. She does a short bow to Lexa
"Heda" she says. I have never seen Octavia be so respectful towards authority. 
"Octavia" Lexa replies with a small nod to tell her that she may rise. As Octavia is about to walk away and back to where she was before, Lexa extends her arm to Octavia and they grasp forearms. It is uncommon for the commander to show that much respect towards a warrior and you can tell from the look on Octavia's face that she knows this. Without letting go of Octavia's arm Lexa leans in and whispers something in Octavia's ear. I can't hear what she says but from the way that Octavia looks at me and nods I can tell it was some sort of order to protect. I feel both loved and annoyed at that action but decide it's not the time for such petty emotions and head over to Raven to find out what is happening.