That's why I..

Chapter Forty Three

Clarke POV

"Clarke. Clarke! Wake up"

I jolt awake to see Lexa sitting over me with a worried look on her face. I don't know that I can trust her though. She told me Pike is dead but what if he's not. She chose to kill me to save herself. What if she's not who I thought she was. I quickly kick myself out of Lexa's grip and back away as far as possible. Soon I am pressed right up against the railings of the balcony.

"Get away from me." I scream.

"Okay Clarke. I'm not going to come any closer but I need you to move away from the edge of the balcony though. I don't want you to accidentally fall off" she says camly, raising her arms into the air like she is surrendering.

"You were the only reason I fell last time. You monster" I spit the words out at her. She recoils at me words and her eyes fill with tears

"I don't know what you are talking about Clarke. You just had a bad dream. That's all" she tries to sound calm but I can hear her voice wavering.

"Tell me everything I want to know right now or I swear I will jump." with those words I rise to my feet and climb over the railings. Lexa rushes forward and grabs my arm

"No Clarke please. Just come inside and I'll tell you what ever you want to know. Just please come back over the railing." Lexa is begging me now, tears are falling from her eyes. I don't listen to her though. Instead, I let go of the railing and put my arms out to my sides like I'm flying. The only thing between me and falling is my balance on this small ledge. I close my eyes and feel the wind in my head. I feel oddly free.

"Answer truthfully and quickly and I'll step back over. If you don't I'll take the one step backwards" I say harshly.

"I will" she has to force her voice to come out and tears are streaming down her face.

"Firstly, tell me you watched Pike die. Prove to me he's dead" I shudder at the thought of Pike again.

"I stabbed him through the chest with my own sword. Right through the heart. He coughed up blood and then went limp. I watched as the life left his eyes before I removed my sword. I give you my word that he is dead"

I relax at her words slightly. So it was all just a dream. Thank god.

"Second Question. If someone offered you safety from something but in order to get it you had to kill me would you do it"

"Absolutely not. You are the light of my life Clarke. I would fight 10,000 armies for you. I would risk my life and the life of everyone I know if it meant I could keep you safe. I will always protect you and noone can do anything about that. I love you. Now please come over the other side of the railing" she sounds slightly desperate now.

"I have one more question. Is love weakness and would you ever pick the coalition over me"

"Love is not weakness. Love is strength and you are my strength hodnes (love). The coalition can handle itself. I would give it all up if it meant being with you. Please Clarke. You are scaring me"

It was all just a dream. Lexa's words finally snap me back into full reality. I can't help but burst out into tears. I try to climb back over the railing but my knees give way under me so Lexa pulls me over. She falls straight to the ground of the balcony with me still in her arms when she gets me over. She holds me tight. Tighter than she's ever held me before and she sobs. I am sobbing too.

After what seems an eternity I say to Lexa "I'm so so sorry niron (loved one). I shouldn't have done that. I know you love me very much and you would do anything to protect me. I'm sorry."

Lexa wipes her eyes, takes a deep breath and says "I don't know what you dreamed about but I can tell it was very real for you. You have been through so much over the past 3 weeks and I don't blame you for anything. I am just so glad you are safe now and I can still hold you in my arms. I don't know that I would have been able to cope if I lost you"

With that she kisses me softly on the lips. This kiss becomes deeper quickly. I can taste both of our tears mixed on our faces but I don't care. We kiss for what feels like hours but in reality it was probably only 15 minutes. We end up stopping because we know that if we keep going it'll go further and I'm not ready for that. Not yet.

We go inside and there is a fresh, warm plate of food sitting there for us to eat. Food. I don't know that I even remember what it tastes like.