That's why I..

Chapter Twenty

Lexa POV

"Clarke? Hodnes (love)." I whisper to try and break Clarke out of the state she is in. She has not moved a single muscle since we stood while the people and the guards were leaving. I do not think she has even blinked.

I slowly step closer to her and stand directly in front of her. She stares directly through, not even noticing I am there. There must be something up. I take one final step forward so that I can touch her and place both of my hands on her shoulders.

This touching jolts her out of her state and she looks around the room in a rather distressed manner. It is Almost as if she is making sure that her surroundings are real. There is a distinct change on her face when she realises she is, in fact, in the throne room. Her distress drops and she looks as though she is about to vomit, her face has gone white to match this look. "Clarke?" I say, my voice sounding more worried than I hoped it would. She looks me in the eyes for a brief second, but as soon as it happened it was gone again as her eyes rolled back into her head and her legs collapsed under her. She fainted.

Before she can fall to the floor I catch her and lay her on the ground, with her legs flat on the ground and her torso on my lap. I stroke my hand through her hair and try to keep my composure. It is difficult though because memories of the day she got stabbed keep flodding back to me. We sat in this exact same position all night and I wept over her body. I fail to keep a single tear from rolling down my face at the thought.

Clarke wakes up moments later, dazed and still looking slightly pale. Before she can freak out about being in the throne room again I speak to calm her down "Clarke, darling. We are in the throne room. You fainted. You are okay now though. I've got you. Shhh shh. I've got you now."

"You've been crying" she states while slowly trying to get herself into a seated position. I wait until she is sufficiently balanced to get up and get her a glass of water. While I am pouring the water I reply "Yes, dear. When I lay you on the ground we ended up in the same position that we did the night you got stabbed. My mind was flooded with memories. I tried to hold back my emotions but was unsuccessful. Sorry"

"Don't be sorry. I was just slightly worried."

I cannot hold back my questions any longer. I know Clarke will understand the worry I have about her fainting. "Clarke?" she turns her body to me and hums slightly in response "What were you thinking about that got you in such a daze that you fainted when you realised it was real"

Clarke instantly goes red in the cheeks and looks down the floor. I bring my hand up to cup her chin and bring her head up so that she is looking into my eyes. I tell her with my eyes that whatever she has to say, it will be okay and we can get through it together.

"Um.." Clarke clears her throat, it is hoarse after having just fainted. "I have to kill Titus. Tonight" she quietens down when she says the word 'kill'. She begins to look like she is going to vomit again.

I crawl over to where she is still sitting on the floor and hold her in my arms. She relaxes in my arms and buries her head in my shoulder. "You don't have to do it. You can pass the kill to me if you wish" I whisper in her ear before giving her a slight kiss in the top of the head.

After a few moments she lifts her head from my shoulder and says "No. I am not weak. I will not have you haunted by the death of your teacher and pretty much your father by your own hand. I will bare it, so you don't have to. Tonight"