When Will She Try? (When Series #3)

Chapter 1

Needed

Nagising ako nang maramdaman ko ang pagtayo ni Serell mula sa kama. Kinusot ko ang mga mata at pinagmasdan siya. Agad naman na binalot ng liwanag ang mga mata ko kaya napaungot ako. Umaga na.

"Anong oras na?!" Tanong ko at agad na napabalikwas at umupo, hindi alintana ang buhok kong gulo-gulo pa.

"Walang pasok ngayon. Matulog ka pa." My twin utters while not looking at me. Napatango naman agad ako nang marahan at napahinga nang malalim at nakaramdam ng ginhawa.

Akala ko ay may pasok! Sabado nga pala ngayon!

Tahimik na inayos ni Serell ang unan at tiniklop niya agad ang kumot niya. Tinitingnan ko lang siya. Bahagyang nakayuko siya at parang iniiwas talaga ang mukha sa akin.

I don't need to see her face, though. I know her face is looking like a sulking bear right now. I know that her eyes are puffy and red. She cried a lot yesterday night. Pero hindi lang 'yon, she also cried when we were already lying here on our small bed.

Akala niya ay tulog na ako dahil prente at tila wala lang akong pakialam na humiga na pero ang totoo ay pinapakinggan ko ang bawat pigil na hikbi niya.

It's normal to cry hard in our situation, so I didn't bother to ask and just let her cry her heart out. It's okay to feel hurt and feel sad, everyone in this house is sad anyway.

Kahit ako. Tanggap ko na pero malungkot pa rin. Pero alam kong mas magiging malungkot kung ipagpapatuloy at ipagpupumilit pa ang isang bagay na hindi na naman talaga dapat ipagpatuloy at ipagpumilit.

"M-Maghihiwalay kaya talaga sila?" Nagulat ako nang magsalita si Serell. Nakayuko pa rin siya.

My forehead creases as I slowly nod. "Oo."

I see how her hand grip tightly on her pillow because of my sure answer. Tumayo ako at nagsimulang tiklupin na rin ang kumot ko.

"Bakit... Bakit parang wala lang sayo?" She asks again.

"Anong wala lang?" I press my lip and look at her. She is almost giving me a death stare, like she's mad because this feels like a normal day to me.

"Why are you not sad?!" She frustratedly said.

Kumunot ang noo ko. "Syempre ay malungkot ako."

Suminghap siya at pinanlakihan ako ng mga mata na parang sobrang laking kalokohan no'ng sinabi ko.

"You're clearly not sad! I know that you want them to part ways already, but you could at least show that you're mourning for our family too!" Galit pero kontrolado pa rin ang boses na saad niya at binagsak na ang kumot na hawak sa kama at susugurin na yata ako anytime.

I smirk sarcastically and shrug. "Malungkot ako. But I've been having this sadness in me almost half of my life that I mastered not to show it to others anymore, Serell. Anong gusto mong gawin ko? Umiyak nang umiyak? May magagawa ba 'yon? Magiging masaya ba tayo ulit? Hindi naman diba?"

Natigilan siya roon. Muli akong nagkibit-balikat at tinitigan siya. Then I let out a half-smile.

"I'm sad and happy at the same time. I'm sad for this family but I'm happy for our parents too. They've been hurting for so long now, Serell, and we've been hurting for so long. So at this point, it's okay to mourn but it's okay to be calm too." Hindi ko na hinintay ang reaksyon niya at lumabas na ng kwarto namin.

Dumiretsyo ako sa katabi lang ng kwarto namin na banyo. Naghilamos ako at nag-toothbrush. And as I brush my teeth, my mind is quite wandering about the breakfast for this day will go. I'm pretty sure it would be awkward.