Ace of Clubs

To Love and To Let Go

Leni had always been a rational person. Hence, letting herself feel. Wasn't the reason why she chose to do such a thing was so that she won't be guilty about anything once the inevitable arrived? So why was she feeling so regretful now that it's here?

Bakit ba kasi nasa ganitong posisyon kami ngayon? We don't deserve this.

She knew it would happen eventually. That no matter how hard or how much she prepared for this — they prepared for this — none of them would be ready for it.

She took Risa in her arms and let her cry while she cried too. They mourned for their love. The love they never expected would come, the love that if not for the Ace of Clubs would never have happened, the love that came in the most foreign places in the most unexpected ways.

They mourned for the love that could have been.

"If things were different, Risa, would you choose to fight for me? For us?" She asked once she had calmed down.

"Yes. Without a doubt."

That was enough. To know that Risa would fight for them if the circumstances were different, to know that she would still love her in a different setting, given a different time. It was more than enough.

To love has always been to let go.

"Do you regret everything that happened, Lens?"

"No. Do you?"

"Hindi rin. This was the best thing I've ever had in a while."

"Ako rin. Masakit lang na kailangan nating isakripisyo."

Leni imagined what life would be like with Risa. She thought about how simple everyday would be. The peaceful evenings and serene mornings. But she knew that it was the calm before the storm.

Eventually, they would get tired of all the hiding and pretending. They would hate each other, then hate themselves for letting these things happen, and they would forgive each other. It would go on and on like that over and over again until they finally realize how toxic it is.

A love as beautiful as theirs shouldn't be tarnished by one wrong decision that could lead to even more wrong decisions.

For Leni, it was better for things to end this way because then, they could remain in each other's orbit. She'd much rather have that than end up with Risa hating her, or her hating Risa. She would much rather they be civil with each other, or friends even, instead of ruining the good that remained in their relationship.

She would much rather continue to love Risa silently and know that Risa loves her the same, instead of losing all the love (and perhaps the respect) that they have for each other.

By choosing their duty and their jobs over their love, over each other, Leni knew Risa was also choosing herself. She was choosing her dream.

She knew that Risa would only be truly happy if she was doing what she wanted — legislating and fighting for a better country — because that's who she is.

She didn't want Risa to live a life where she's happy with her but not happy with who she is.

"So what happens after we sign this?"

"Hindi ko rin alam. But I know that we have to part ways kahit ayaw natin."

Leni hovered her pen above the paper, still hesitant to sign it. She closed her eyes and breathed heavily. This was it. No turning back.

She signed the paper swiftly then handed it to Risa who hesitated the same way that she did. Risa stared blankly at the paper as if she didn't know what to do with it. Then she looked at Leni before inhaling sharply and signing it.