It's Not Too Late (Sad KiriBaku AU) Discontinued

Chapter 10

Kirishima's PoV:
It's been a week since I first saw Bakugo again, and I've been spending my days at the hospital, mostly watching over him. I know I have no right to be here, but everyday in which Bakugo isn't sending me away for what I've done, gives me hope that maybe one day he'll forgive me.
After properly communicating with his therapist through pen, paper and messages, from what I understood, Kat did manage to tell her what had led to the 'incident', and while he never said anything, I saw the way he looked at me with fear, and I know that being here isn't helping him all that much, but I just can't help it!
I promised myself that once he gets better and regains his ability to speak, I'll properly apologize to him, let him insult me and then finally give him the chance to start his life again, a life I shouldn't be part of.
Kat also finally managed to sleep in a while! He did wake up because of a nightmare...but little by little I'm sure he'll get better, and I'll be there every step of the way.

Bakugo's PoV
Kirishima's still here and I don't know why. His presence is radiant and I love it because I love him, but why? Why is he still here? He clearly didn't love me anymore, so what is it that he wants from me?
My therapist suggested I confront him about it directly, and ask him everything that's been bothering me all this time; About the rumours, about his feelings and about his intentions, but I don't want to. I'm scared, no, terrified, that if I do, he'll disappear before I even get a chance to say goodbye, and he means too much to me for me to be able to let him go. Everyday that he spends with me, gives me hope that maybe one of these days, he'll fall in love with me again and get over her.

No matter how much I try to get myself to speak, I can't, it's not working at all. The words are on the tip of my tongue, but as I am about to speak them, they get stuck in my throat, making me feel pathetic and useless.

Yesterday was quite a weird day, as a bunch of reporters somehow managed to slip past security and burst through my door. I was ashamed out of my mind as the whole country probably saw the number 2 hero, or better said the former number 2 hero in such a weak and disgusting form.
I knew self pity wouldn't get me out of this state, as it was what brought me here in the first place. I also knew that I had no right to feel this way about the whole world seeing me like this, as everything was my fault.

When I finally started my life again when I was around 19, my therapist did tell me that depressive symptoms can never be cured but only diminished. I held onto that 'advice' for, how long, around a year? By the time I was 20, I couldn't even remember what it felt like to not be happy. I became reckless and forgot all about my therapists' words, while I battled through life with my lover, but then something happened. Something of which I don't know the details of happened and...he changed, he stopped loving me. And just like that I felt it, the thoughts were back, the feeling that I was never enough was back, the 'I dread tomorrow' and the sleepless nights, all of them were with me through thick and thin all along, but I just chose to ignore them which did work, for a while at least.
Every technique, every worksheet, everything that I had done with my therapist, all the work that went into curing my depression the first time, was all down the drain; decayed due to the passing of time. When I realised 'me', turned to  'me and my depression', I tried reaching out to the only possible pillar of support in my life: Ei. But he never realised what I wanted or needed from him, and as time passed and the guilt of wanting to drag him down in my hell hole increased, I stopped. I minded my business and he minded his.
From then on, since our communication shattered like fragile glass colding with a hard brick wall, everything spiraled out of control. The self-harm was back, the pills were back and so was my therapist that didn't expect to see me in her office ever again, or at least not less than 3 years after I had been presumably 'cured'.
Everything I had battled through, everything I had lived through, that I considered made me stronger, in fact only made me weaker, more susceptible to feeling pain and suffering.
I understood this the moment I realised I was back at square one, and there was no shortcut to the finish line, but only a long, thorny road I had to walk all over again, with no map or indication, completely alone.

The act of taking my own life happened on a whim. It'd be a lie to say I didn't attempt at least once more before through strangulation, but I just couldn't go through with it, the thought that maybe at some point Kiri will need me ate away at my soul and made me feel so ashamed that I was attempting to kill myself, that I just didn't.
The moment I drew that cold blade on my arm, was the moment I realised Kiri didn't need me anymore. He had someone way better and prettier than me, someone who didn't need constant reassurance or attention. All those messages I got telling me to 'just die' convinced me my life amounted to nothing, how could they not? In all of the pictures that spread online with Ei and her, he looked way happier than in any picture I had ever taken with him. The dm's were like fuel to the flame, feeding the already poisonous and deadly thoughts in my mind. When it all became too much, when the fuel ignited and I felt as if I had caught fire, I did it, I went through with it, to make the pain stop. Only that...the pain never did as I was still alive, and currently, under full supervision to make sure I don't try anything again.

I looked to my right seeing my tired shark boy sound asleep with his head on my lap.
He's been here so often that he managed to obtain a full day 'visitor's pass', which means he's here 24/7.
I brushed my fingers through his red, unkempt hair, noticing that his black roots started to show.
Being asleep was indeed serene, or at least that's what Kiri made it look like.
I laid down on the hospital bed, took one last look at Kiri, and after a very long time fell into a dreamless slumber.

Date published: 8th of July, 2022
The story: 1177