Feelings

CHAPTER 8

Even thought I wanted a happy family, but then I didn’t want to be the reason why mom won’t be happy, all in the name of marriage.

It was already a blessing that I was born; what more could I want other than Mom’s love and attention.
She wasn’t aware that I knew about the  divorce papers; I didn’t want her to cry again, so I just pretended not to know.

I was sad when I heard her telling Aunty Onyi about her getting arrested; I felt bad for ignoring her when she came back.

“I should have been a little bit nicer to her” I cried.

I wanted to go hug her and tell her that I heard, but then I feared she might feel embarrassed. Aunty Onyi once told me that sometimes it is better to turn a blind eyes to certain situations so that the other person won’t feel worse than they were.
“some situations are best left unattended till further notice” she said.

For some reason I felt this situation is the one she spoke about. I love my mom very much, but sometimes she makes me worry about her.

My dream at that time was to grow into an adult very soon so that she can start confiding in me and telling me all her problems.

The next day we were having breakfast when three people came visiting, a couple and an agent; it turned out that mom put our house out in the market.

“take your food to your room” mom told me

For the first time I felt like disobeying her; it is of a truth that their programs and decisions were affecting my life.

“what happened to “I will wait until she is ready to start relying on me” I thought.

Our house is a five bedroom duplex suitable for a family with children; it has a big compound for kids play time, swimming pool and a big for garage.

Living in our house should be a dream come dream come true for anyone. I didn’t know the price she was selling it, but I knew it would be worth the house, and enough to set us up in our new place.

The Coby Kenneth liked the house; mom was invited at the agency for important documentation and signing of contact. We used the night to round up our packaging; mom already made a deal with the moving van that was going to move our things to Enugu state.

With how prepared mom was, I started wondering when she started planning our relocation; she already got our new home and made other arrangements.

The moving car was booked from top notch agency, and so mom believed that our properties were safe; she booked our flight, and we moved two days later.

The new house wasn’t as large as our old one, it was an apartment this time, but very beautiful too; there was no swimming pool, but who cares. It wasn’t as if we used it then; since dad left we stopped filling up the sink. Our new home was a three bedroom apartment; Mom’s was the master’s bedroom, and mine was the next.

The neighborhood was quiet and  lonely; it wasn’t like our old neighborhood that has neighbors, right, left and center. Here we had neighbors and buildings far away from each other.

I knew that moment that my phobia won’t be my only hindrance to me meeting new people and making new friends. Our closest neighbors was a 32 years old woman; she was married, but no children yet.

The other lady was a 25 years old lady; she was a final year student doing an undergraduate course In University of Nsukka.

The building kilometers away from ours was very massive, and has more than 10 apartments in it. One of the occupants was a 26 years old lady who lived alone, and she came back usually very late; sometimes I doubted in my mind that she was a student like she claimed.

She spent her weekends in the club house, and parties in the weekdays; she received a lot of male visitors, old and young.

I used to think that they were her family members and friends, but then they were way too many to be just family members and friends. Mom told me that if was possible for someone to have that plenty relations, so I believed it.

All my life I had only dad, mom and Aunty Onyi from the beginning, dad left and It remained only mom and Aunty Onyi; never in my life did I know that families could be plenty and so show you massive love and attention.

I always wished that I had siblings to play with, or families to look at me, admire and love me massively; those kinds of desires started after dad left. I always had my friends and we were like siblings, and did almost everything together, but then things changed.

Sometimes I peeped from my window and saw her receiving gifts and hugs from her relations, and that made me want to have such.

I usually gisted mom about her and her relations, and she usually got mad at me; she changed my room and told me not to peep into someone’s house ever again.