Little Lies // (Discountinued)

Chapter 4

The ride was so deafeningly silent that you could hear Steve's fingers moving on the leather of the steering wheel.

"i'm sorry. that billy, you know... interrupted us," you muttered, refusing to look at steve a!er what billy had said. how could billy out you like that? after everything you'd done for him, everything you'd confided in him, he just wanted to ruin your life. all those years of friendship, thrown out the window. you had tried so hard to feel bad for your old friend, but enough was enough.

"no, no. don't apologize, it wasn't your fault. and, uh... i'd like to take you out again, tomorrow," he replied, surprising you. why would steve want to go out with you again, after the shit-show that just went on? wasn't it clear that you came with too much baggage?

"don't you want to know what the hell billy was talking about? just fucking ask so i don't have to go around knowing you're wondering." your voice was a little louder and sharper than you'd intended, and you immediately felt badly when hurt flashed across steve's face as he pulled over.

the two of you sat in silence, you fiddling with your fingers as you stared down at your lap. suddenly, you  and steve's eyes snapped toward you the moment tears began to drip down your cheeks.

it was a nightmare. it couldn't be real, it couldn't.

how in the world could you be pregnant? it was one time, just one, and you'd been careful. had you really, though? because here you were, holding the positive pregnancy stick in your trembling hands.

you raised your hand to your open mouth, trying to hold in your sobs. you couldn't let your mom hear you - you couldn't tell her just yet. and what of the father? it was summer. he was gone, off to college.

you were stupid. only 16, and having unprotected sex with a senior. and now, due to your mistakes, there was something growing in your stomach.

you hadn't realized you'd been blurting the whole story to steve until he was holding you in his arms in the backseat, rubbing comforting circles on your back. you were surprised it didn't feel odd to tell someone you'd met only yesterday your darkest secret.

"billy was the first person i told," you whispered, clutching steve's hand. "he was so supportive, and he told me that i would be okay, over and over and over. i honestly think i couldn't have done it without him."

Steve didn't say a thing - mostly because he had no words that wouldn't consist of some sort of insult toward the blonde boy.

"you're the only person besides my mother and him that knows my secret. i hope you feel special," you joked, attempting to lighten the mood. you felt steve's chest vibrate underneath you, and a small smile grew on your face.

"how could i not? hot girl from california likes me. i felt special the moment you said yes to my date." you felt your body warm, but not in the embarrassed way. in the way you feel on christmas, in scratchy sweaters, surrounded by family as the tree glows in front of you.

you suddenly felt it too - the 'click' steve was talking about. your stomach suddenly exploded with butterflies, and you were a lot more conscious of your hand enveloped by steve's larger one.

"i'd like that second date. but maybe it doesn't have to be tomorrow. are there any movies showing?"

•••

you walked into your house at 5:00pm, right a!er steve dropped you o" in front of your house. what began as an a!ernoon beyond nightmarish ended you waltzing into your house, a wide grin on your face as steve's car drove off.

"hey mom! what's -" you froze.

sitting across from your mother in the living room was none other than billy, who turned to your voice with wide eyes. your heart was palpitating, and you felt the anger from the diner bubbling up inside of you. you didn't really care if your mom could hear the argument that was about to ensue.

"are you serious? billy, i told you to leave me alone," you snapped, all the joy in your tone disappearing. he stood to say something, but you raised your hand in front of you and stared him down:

"no. i don't want to hear your bullshit. you really messed up with me. you don't get a second chance, not so soon."

your mom got the message, and le! the room, scurrying upstairs. neither of you said a thing until you heard her bedroom door close.

"y/n, please. would you let me say one thing?"

you crossed your arms, furrowing your eyebrows. "fuck you, billy. you don't get to say anything a!er you betrayed me like that. you're a liar and an asshole." you wished you were strong enough to stand your ground without wavering, but your voice cracked and your eyes glazed over.

you had succeeded in leaving billy speechless, but he wouldn't leave.

"do you even think about what happened that night?"

it took him less than a second to reply. "yes, all the time. every second of every day. that's why i didn't want you hanging around with steve. the two of you mesh, and.... i hate that you're over me. 'cause i'm so far from over you."

you couldn't help but let your gaze so!en as tears welled in billy's eyes. he never cried - you'd seen it only three times, in the years you'd been friends.

"billy, even if you were blind, you could see i'm not over you. but what in the hell does it matter? you had a chance, the minute i put my hand on your shoulder. you had a chance to kiss me and tell me that you'd never lost your feelings for me, but you didn't. you stood there and you told me to leave you alone. so, that's what i'm doing now. leave. me. alone." you said it with courage, but still you didn't move; you didn't walk away, or shove him out the door. you stayed in front of him, saying one thing but wanting another.

billy took you by the waist and leaned in to kiss you. despite how much you wanted it, despite how much you could just imagine his lips on yours, like everything was the same, you couldn't.

so, inches away from letting yourself climb back into the rabbit hole that was billy, you pushed him o" gently, and walked away. you felt him watch you until you heard so! footsteps and the front door slam.

you know you are really in love with someone when they can break your heart, and you aren't angry. as billy exited your house, he felt it, that 'click', only it was a deeper, more resonating one. it was one of heartache and hurt, not love at first sight. it wasn't a 'click', he soon realized -

it was the sound of a heart breaking

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Word count: 1185