Attention Seeker✔️

4

Biting his lip, Minho stared at the ground and shook his head. He hadn't expected anyone to catch on to his act but he shouldn't have been so surprised, considering Jisung knew him best. Sometimes, the dancer thought his dongsaeng might even know him better than he himself did. That was usually quite sweet and touching but right now, Minho cursed the rapper for knowing him so well. His heart started to race as Chan got out of his seat and the remaining group sat in shocked silence. As the leader made his way over to them, he looked at his dongsaeng with the most disappointment the dancer had ever seen on his face as the oldest frowned: "Minho-yah. Why would you fake something like that? You know that we'd always be there to take care of you when you slip but why do you feel the need to abuse that? You trust us to be there for you but we also trust you to be honest with us about what's going on. It's hard to trust you being honest when you pull things like this. We're here to help our friend and little but we're not some fools letting themselves be taken advantage of by some attention seeker."

Disappointedly shaking his head at his oldest dongsaeng, Chan walked off to his room. The leader was closely followed by Changbin and Felix, the younger Aussie barely able to hold back his tears. With Felix' loving and pure personality, he had often been taken advantage of in the past, so for it to happen again brought back painful memories. Knowing that his hyung was no better than any of those people made it hurt so much worse. A part of him refused to believe that Minho was as egoistic and self-absorbed as some of his former classmates and friends but he didn't know what to believe anymore, with the older acting just like them. It didn't even make sense. His hyung had never acted like that before. Usually, Minho was there for them and would rather hide his hurt to protect the rest of them than to milk an upsetting situation like this. Whatever was going on today, felt so, so wrong, it was confusing and it hurt, so Felix really needed the space to sort his thoughts and make peace with the whirlwind of emotions blowing up after that revelation.

Minho couldn't bear watching all of his friends walk away like that, so he hurriedly scrambled off Jisung's lap and fled back to his room. Not wanting to be around their hyung right now, Hyunjin and Seungmin avoided their room and instead followed Jisung and Jeongin to theirs. They didn't voice their opinions on their hyung's behavior earlier but they too couldn't help but feel upset. The effort all of them had made to pamper Minho, thinking he was little when he wasn't little at all, left them bitter and needing some space. Jisung was the only one feeling conflicted about the situation. Just like Felix, he couldn't make any sense of their friend's behavior. They knew Minho had had a bad day, so maybe him acting out of character had to be expected but this was more out of character for the dancer than Jisung could've ever imagined.

Minho wasn't one to seek attention or to even ask for a hug when he needed one, which might have been the problem all along. The rapper couldn't help but feel like his hyung had been in need of a hug but was too afraid to ask for one, so the only way for him to receive the comfort he needed was to fake his regression. Jisung became even more convinced that something was seriously wrong when he heard muffled cries from the room next to them but the other three were quick to drown out the noise by turning on a movie on Jeongin's laptop. Not wanting to piss off his friends even more, Jisung remained silent and pretended to watch the movie with them, though his mind was somewhere else entirely.

Minho had known all along that what he was doing was wrong and he had had so many chances to stop, yet the affection he received from his friends felt too good to stop. It was only after Chan's scolding that the dancer realized just how wrong his actions had been. Looking back on it, he had really abused their trust in him and he could only pray someone would still be there for him the next time he really did slip. Not like he could blame them if they didn't feel comfortable taking care of his little-self anymore in the future. Feeling his chest tighten painfully, Minho pulled his knees up close to his torso and tried to take some deep breaths. He couldn't because he couldn't suppress the sobs that shook his frame, making it impossible for him to breathe properly.

Failing miserably to get his breathing under control, Minho choked on air and ended up crying even harder. The dancer brought his sweater paw up to his face and bit into the soft material in an attempt to quieten his cries but it didn't do much. He looked down and let his tears drip onto the skirt covering his lap, realizing that despite his cute outfit, he'd never be able to look cute in the slightest. He probably looked even more a mess than he felt and that was saying something. Picking up his stuffed cat, Minho nuzzled his face into the fluffy fur and sniffled. He wanted to go and apologize, knowing it would be the right thing to do but at the same time, he felt so ashamed of himself. With this shame, he didn't feel like he could face any of his members any time soon.

As it started to get even harder for him to breathe, Minho did the only thing he could think of to ward off an anxiety attack. He wasn't little but he still slipped his thumb between his lips and suckled on it, softly at first but then growing more and more desperate. Although it didn't bring him the usual comfort that came with slipping into his headspace, it still distracted him from his fast breathing enough for the sobs to slowly die down till the tears fell silently. Minho felt so helpless, knowing he had messed up badly but not having any idea on how to fix his mistake. The choreographer had been right all along, he was freeloading on the other members' success. He didn't contribute anything to their work and only held them back. The group would most likely be better off without someone like him in it. He was good for nothing, only abusing his friends' effort and kind hearts.

As Minho debated on how he could make up for what he had done, he realized that the only right thing would be to apologize and leave the group afterwards. It would keep him from hurting his friends again plus, this wasn't even his success. The others worked so hard and did so well, no matter how stressful their schedule was. He himself couldn't even work through a single choreographing session without getting in trouble for not dancing well enough. Dancing. Minho felt that that was his main purpose in the group, so if he couldn't even do that, what right did he have to be in this group? He couldn't help the group with his dancing and as soon as times got stressful, he needed the other members to take care of his regressed self. It was true, all he did was make everything harder for the other members.

Feeling sorry for how long he had been a burden on his friends, another sob tore from Minho's throat as his suckling grew more desperate again. The hand that had been patting his stuffed cat, tightened into a fist as he failed to draw in a full breath. He needed someone. Someone to help him catch his breath again, someone to pick him up and tell him that he would be alright eventually. That was when Minho realized that he had slipped into his headspace after all. Only that it was too late for that now.

The little curled in on himself even tighter, biting the thumb between his lips as clutched his stuffed cat. Minho's chest hurt so badly, making it impossible for the dancer to breathe. With his head too fuzzy, he failed to grasp a single rational thought. He couldn't help but feel like he was dying though. He had to be. If he wasn't dying, his heart wouldn't be hurting so badly and even if it wasn't his heart that was seconds away from giving out, he'd still suffocate as no matter how fast and deep he breathed, it didn't feel like he could get in the amount of oxygen he needed. Even if he'd jump over his shadow and reach out to any of the members, he wouldn't be able to even leave his room. His head was spinning too fast for him to move. It wasn't like the members would believe him anyway if he told them he was dying now. Maybe it was for the better. If his heart stopped right now, at least his caregivers wouldn't be stuck with an attention seeker like him anymore and could focus on their own lives and well-being.