Attention Seeker✔️

5

Something didn't sit right with Jisung at all. Although he had tried, he couldn't just sit there and pretend to be watching a movie when all he could think of was Minho. The older was obviously hurting, so how could he focus on anything, knowing his friend was all by himself? Excusing himself to the restroom, Jisung made his way over to the dancer's room. He could already hear the muffled sobs and labored breathing though the door. After brushing his knuckles against the wood, the rapper opened the door a crack and spotted Minho on his bed. The other had his thumb between his lips, his other hand fisted in the fabric of his shirt as he clutched his chest and his stuffed cat lay on his lap untouched.

Slipping into the room, Jisung instantly closed the door behind him before slowly making his way over to Minho's bed. He didn't know how much space the other might need right now. The expression on the dancer's face was a mixture of terror and pain. He hadn't even heard Jisung enter over the ringing in his ears. It would all be over soon anyway, so why should he pay attention to his surroundings. Jisung gently, stroked his finger over the back of Minho's hand that was still clutching his chest. Startling at the physical contact, the little jerked his head up and gasped. Choking, he instantly broke into a harsh cough that made black spots dance in his vision. "You're okay", the rapper whispered, continuing to stroke the back of his friend's hand with his finger, "I need you to try and slow your breathing though. If you keep breathing like that, you're going to pass out on me."

Minho was horrified. What was his caregiver doing here? He shouldn't witness his death. Couldn't it all be over fast? If only he had enough air, Minho would tell the rapper that he couldn't breathe no matter how hard he tried. He'd ask the other to leave and only come back once it was over but he couldn't. Why was Jisung so calm? Couldn't he see that he was dying? "I-I.... Hewp", Minho choked out breathlessly, tears streaming down his face. Feeling his heart break, Jisung massaged the back of his friend's hand to get him to loosen his grip on his shirt. The rapper gently pulled Minho's hand away and squeezed it, promising: "I got you, I'll help." The dancer hadn't said much but it had been enough for Jisung to hear the familiar lisp that had been missing earlier. Knowing Minho was truly little now made the rapper's heart ache even more. He should've gone to check on the other earlier instead of watching a movie he didn't even care about.

"Take a slow breath in with me", Jisung instructed, demonstrating a slow breathing pattern but Minho just couldn't match him. It wasn't like the little didn't try, he truly did. His caregiver had come for him despite his actions and he'd do anything to not upset his caregiver again but he couldn't do as the rapper requested. Jisung gently kissed Minho's knuckles before guiding his hand to the stuffed cat in the little's lap. He carefully ran the dancer's fingers over the soft material a few times, humming: "You feel this? Focus on how soft Soorie feels, hm?" Their hands were still linked as Jisung ran them over the fake fur again and again. The pace of the strokes matching a healthy breathing pattern. "That's it, kitten", the rapper praised, when Minho's breathing slowed to match the strokes on Soorie's fur, "Steadily in and out. You're doing great."

Eventually, the dancer was reduced to tired hiccups and messily rubbed his eyes, while his one hand stayed linked with Jisung's. "M-Min sow-owwy", he mumbled barely audible, followed by a thick sniffle. Plucking a few tissues from the box on Minho's nightstand, the rapper sighed and sat down next to his friend. Jisung wrapped one arm around the little's shoulders and used the other hand to clean him up and help him blow his nose. After gently brushing away the tears, Jisung hummed: "What's up, Min? Hyung is here, hm? Tell hyung what's been going on today." Hearing his caregiver talk to him so softly made another sob tear from Minho's throat and though hesitant, he climbed into the other's lap. Jisung waited patiently for a reply, gently stroking his friend's back when the boy finally spoke up: "Min sowwy fow- f-fow lyin'."

Jisung didn't get much else and certainly not the explanation he had been hoping for, so he calmly swayed them from side to side, waiting for Minho to calm down before he'd ask again. When it had been quiet for a while, the rapper glanced down and found that Minho's crying had stopped. The little just lay there listlessly against Jisung's chest, sniffling softly from time to time. The breakdown had certainly drained what little energy he had left after such a tiring day but his caregiver's arms were the most comfortable place he could imagine being in, so he wouldn't complain. Keeping his eyes shut, Minho suckled on his thumb as he melted further into Jisung's embrace.

"Kitten, can you tell hyung why you faked your headspace earlier?", the rapper whispered, running his hand down Minho's back to try and keep him calm, "I'm not here to judge, I just want to understand because that isn't like you." Jisung only noticed how weak and anxious the boy still was, when he removed his thumb from his mouth and his hand trembled. Minho hugged his stuffed cat tight and sniffled: "Min f-fewt bad an' wan' swip buh- buh couwdn't." Harshly scrubbing at his teary eyes with his fist, the little took a shuddering breath. "Jus' needed some wuv an' thought I'd swip if chu pwetend I wittle", Minho admitted even quieter, shattering Jisung's heart and causing the rapper to hug him tighter.

"You couldn't slip, baby?", Jisung confirmed brushing the boy's hair out of his face. Minho shook his head and dried his face on his sleeve. "Then why didn't you tell us, Min? We could've tried to ease you into it or talk you down or something", Jisung frowned, cupping the little's cheek. The boy felt hot to the touch but that wasn't too surprising with how he had worked himself up. Minho seemed to relax while the rapper's cool hand rested against his skin, so the caregiver moved his hand up to the other's forehead to cool him down some. Leaning into the touch, Minho whispered: "Nuh wan' tawk 'bout wha' happened, nuh wan' expwain, jus' wan' be wittle." – "Today's been that bad, huh?", Jisung cooed sympathetically, pressing a soft kiss to the crown of the little's head, "Min, if you need a hug or something, just come and hug hyung. You don't need to be little for that and if you don't want to talk about something, that's fine but we'd rather not know what's going on than get the wrong information."

Minho nodded shyly, hiding his face against the other's shoulder as another tear spilled down his cheek. He knew he shouldn't have lied and part of him also knew that it would've been fine to tell his members the truth but somehow, it had felt like he couldn't. It had felt like he was alone with his pain and that the only way to get the others to comfort him was to act like he was little. They'd always comfort little Min, big Minho didn't need comfort, right? "What's on your mind, kitten?", Jisung hummed, running his fingers up and down his friend's back to give him something to focus on. He couldn't have the other drift off too far into his own mind again.

He didn't get a reply, just Minho snuggling closer to him, sniffling softly against his shoulder. Jisung carefully fixed the little's skirt before he went back to tracing his back. Tilting his head to rest his cheek against Minho's head, the rapper breathed: "Is my kitten tired?" The boy gave the smallest of nods, not wanting to move his head for the fear that Jisung might move away. "That's okay, Min. Today's been a lot, hm?", the caregiver assured, wrapping his arms around Minho. Finally understanding why his friend had acted so odd today, Jisung really wanted to take the other to talk to their members too. He knew why they were hurt by Minho's actions but the dancer himself was the one hurting the most and if they could explain, the others could understand and forgive him too.

Nobody in their right mind could hate the boy for needing comfort after having such a bad day. That didn't justify the way Minho tried to get affection but he probably didn't feel like he could come to them and tell them the truth. Wasn't that their fault too, at least partly? They had probably made Minho feel like he couldn't open up to them if he wasn't in his headspace, so he surely wasn't the one to blame here. Jisung suspected it might have to do with their age dynamics. Chan too rarely talked about his own concerns, though the members would gladly listen, so it was probably similar for Minho. No wonder he'd act younger if this was the only way he could justify being weak in front of them.