Delta [Epsilon #2]

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Azure

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The days passed by in a blur -- a cold, awful, grey blur. After reviving Raina, we'd been quick to turn around and get her to the infirmary. I'd sobbed the whole way -- sobbed as she stared into my eyes, alive and sparkling. Despite her drooling and discombobulated words, her eyes held a certain clarity. She'd stared at me like I'd hung the stars in the sky, as though I was an angel on earth. Didn't she know she'd almost died? Couldn't she feel the burning on her side, the skin that was blistered and raw? 

I didn't know. I didn't loiter long enough to find out if she'd come to her senses. As soon as we passed her off to a nurse, assured she was in great care, I'd left. I'd left and smashed the first ornament I'd found. 

Her heart had stopped. Her heart had stopped, and I'd froze. My mind had become about as useful as putty, and as the moments ticked by, I could feel her slipping by my fingers -- a feeling I would never forget. Hadn't it been for Kyra's quick thinking, then... then...

The thought haunted me in the nights to come. I couldn't bring myself to visit the hospital. It wasn't because I didn't care for her wellbeing; in fact, I often pressed Kyra for updates on Raina's condition. No, but rather, I didn't know how I'd react. Part of me thought I'd scream at Raina for defying my orders, a disobedience that had almost gotten her killed. Another part of me thought I'd collapse to my knees and sob the moment I saw her, as that familiar sense of failure took over me. 

So, I'd stayed in my room. I'd even dodged the feastings and ordered meals straight to my bed. I couldn't face Raina, or anyone else for that matter. And the Delta... I wasn't sure what I'd do if I saw him. Strangle him, maybe. Or kill him. Either way, I was sure Kyra wouldn't mind. 

Just as I was thinking over ways to kill the god-like male, a knock came at the door. I knew who it was before she even opened it, and my entire body went rock-solid. I stared out the windows, fisting the bedsheets below me. 

"Azure?" 

My heart leapt at her voice. Alive. She was alive and well, despite all that had happened. Alive, despite her heart having stopped. 

I crushed that excitement within an iron fist. She could have died. She could have so easily been six feet under right now, all because I'd hesitated. Because, apparently, I couldn't think when it came to her. I couldn't act logical at all. 

I kept my face forward. I knew better than to turn around and look at her face. "What?"

A deafening silence washed over us. I sensed her step inside. "How have you been?"

"How do you think?" I snapped, glaring out the windows. As though to spite me, the white-washed tombstones of the distant graveyard flashed in my vision. I stared into my lap instead.

Silence. "You didn't visit."

I could hear the question in her words. Anger clawed at my throat, and I was barely able to keep my voice measured as I responded. "I didn't need to. Kyra kept me updated."

Another pause. I sensed Raina take another step forward. "Azure?"

I didn't respond. I kept my gaze fixed on my lap, willing the prickling sting in my eyes to leave. Willing her to leave. I couldn't do this right now. I couldn't face her.