The sun shines through the window, making me look up from the journal. A knock on my door makes me jump. Everything makes me jump these days.
"Hey, you're running kinda late today." My dad says.
"Okay." I say absentmindedly. My eyes feel heavy and my mind feels strained. I've been reading all night and I'm not even halfway through it yet.
Jamie keeps writing about a secret, a secret that involves me, but he doesn't actually say what the secret is. I've been racking my brain all night trying to figure it out.
"Autumn! You ready?" My dad yells up the stairs.
"Yeah! Give me a second!" I yell back. I quickly throw on a pair of gym shorts and a hoodie before running out the door, Jamie's journal in hand. Before my dad is in view, I put it in my backpack. I'm not ready to share these yet.
"Bye." I say to my dad as I grab my keys off the counter.
"Drive safe." He says as he sips his coffee. His eyes study me as if he knows about the journals. I don't let it bother me for too long though.
The whole way to school, I contemplate what I'm going to say to Riley. All I know is that I need to know if he's okay. I also need to know what happened on Saturday night and who the guy was with the mist.
I lean against my locker, the journal held tightly against my chest. I keep my eyes on the doors at the entrance, waiting for him to come in. Even after the bell rings, I'm waiting.
"Autumn?" Mrs. Ralphs asks me. "Is something wrong?" She looks concerned. Why is that the only expression I see when people look at me? She comes up to me and looks me over.
"Yeah." I say quietly. She still looks concerned but she gestures towards her classroom. I follow, but I look over my shoulder, waiting from Riley to suddenly appear from the double doors.
When I walk into the classroom, I put my hood up, slightly embarrassed. When I pass Riley's spot, I see him. He's sitting in his desk, avoiding eye contact with me. I scoff to myself and sit in my seat. I clench my teeth in anger. Instead of fuming to myself, I take out Jamie's journal and read it secretly. He continues to confuse me, not writing anything useful.
When the bell rings, it makes me jump and drop the journal into Riley's path. He doesn't pick it up or even stop. He just walks over it and my hand like I'm not even there. That's it. I've had enough of this.
I run, trying to match his long strides. "Riley!" I scream. He doesn't stop.
"Riley, stop!" I say more forcefully. I grab onto his arm, making him stop. He keeps his eyes on the ceiling as he turns around.
"What's the matter with you?" I say, annoyed with him.
"What do you mean?" He asks.
"I mean, how one minute, you act like you might actually like me, the next, you push me away." I scoff. "I'm not the food you push away when aren't hungry." He blinks at me. A few people stare as they walk past us but they don't bother me. He looks at them and leans over to talk to me in a quieter voice.
"You have no idea how I feel." His voice sounds angry but his eyes are filled with pure adoration. He starts to say something else but thinks twice about it and stops himself. He turns and starts to walk away.
"Riley!" I scream down the now-empty hallway. He doesn't stop or slow. "God dangit, Riley! I love you!" I scream, not caring about the people in the classrooms who can hear us. He stops, turns around slowly, and walks towards me until he's right in front of me.
"What did you say?" His voice is soft.
"You heard me." I say as confidently as I can. His eyes fill with agony. He looks at the ground.
"No." He begs. I take my hand and tilt up his chin.
"Yes." I say, then I kiss him. Hard. This time, as I do, voices fill my head. I pull away, confused, but the voices don't stop.
Geez, who's in the hallway?
My god, I can feel the zit already. It better not be there at prom.
Ugh, please shut up already, you're so stupid.
When I look at Riley, he looks scared. I try to cover my ears but they don't stop. Riley says my name and cups his hands around my face. He kisses me once more and pulls away. When I open my eyes, he's gone. And so are the voices.
I don't wonder where he went for long because my stomach rolls with nausea. I run to the bathroom as fast as I can and throw up all the contents in my stomach.
After I'm done, my head spins. I blink,trying to make it go away, but it only gets worse. I try to stand, struggling at first, but managing to get myself out of the bathroom and to my locker. My hands shake as I call my dad.
"Hello?" He says groggily.
"Dad, I don't feel good." My voice sounds weak.
"Okay, Autumn. I'll be there soon. Stay on the phone though, okay?" He can tell how bad I am just by my voice. My eyes feel so heavy. It hurts to keep them open. My dad says my name. I open my mouth to answer but no words come out. I feel like my whole body is shutting down.
"Autumn!" My dad's voice booms through the phone. That's the last thing I hear before everything goes dark.
