Pain Purity and Apocalypse

Chapter 19: Through The Eyes of Xander Grail

Monday, May 25, 1993
(Location: The Grail Manor)

    Looking around, I see nothing but the white porcelain walls of my childhood home, the house of lies that fed me my father's bullshit for years and years. It's strange, you know, having been part of this madness... And now, fighting against it— captured by the very man I wish to get as far from as possible. Lok will find me, I know he will... He is stubborn that way.

Five guards in white armour stand on the other side of that door, and in their hands, they hold high powered guns— to my father, I am now an enemy. Outside, the sun slowly dips below the top of Asherwood's wall... That damn wall that keeps the truth out, and the facade alive within. Only now am I realizing how truly messed up this society is.

Everyone here, the Humans, the Angels, they have been led to believe that Jude Grail is their saviour... But no, he is the doomsday machine with an unknown timer... We're blind to how slow, or how fast the bomb ticks... We're blind to the grand explosion that will take place. Jude will be the end of civilization as we know it if he isn't stopped.

These are the thoughts that make me hate my previous life, and long for the day my father's blood is spilt, the day he feels what Norman, Jane, Eliza, Parker, and Sebastian felt. He is the reason they are dead. Lok is going to beat the living shit out of him when he finds out about Parker.

In a small, dark room down the hall... Two bodies sit lifeless and limp atop wood chairs. Their eyes, white and blank... No colour dusts their cheeks. Jude keeps Parker and Eliza as trophies, or so he says, but I believe they are a ploy to force Lok and I to act recklessly, so he can gain the advantage. Still, that makes the room, and his plan, all the more disturbing.

Suddenly, the door knob twists. I can hear the guard's plates of armour scraping together as the door slowly creaks open. An arm slides away, and walking in the distant shadows of hallway and long and endless, a tall man with sagging, greying Angel wings smoothly approaches the door. I can feel the cold caress of his eyes on my face, even without seeing those golden orbs... Just a shadow walking amongst others.

Walking so slow, so quiet I can't hear the click of his shoes as the heels press against the white, porcelain floor. His wings sway, side to side, and there's a dark liquid dripping from the ends. Splattering across the pristine surface, there's a clear trail behind him. Soon, his wrinkled face is illuminated by the dim light of, what was once, my room.

Why does he look so old?
I ask myself.

Why has he lost twenty years since I saw him last? Perhaps, even he feels stress and fear over the fact he has angered every being? This mind bending, thought provoking man, an iron wall of intimidation... He has a weakness.

"Xander." A chill runs up my spine, I feel it crawling up every spinal ring within my back. That is not a loving tone... It does not hold disappointment either... All I hear is hatred, pure hatred. I notice his eyes flicker for a moment, as he brushes some unseen thing off his shoulder... He turns to that shoulder, and whispers with agitation,

"Go— away— Anna— you aren't really there, you're dead, so stay that way!"

I can't speak, frozen in place by the sight of this man... How did I live for so long in the same house with him? I'm terrified to even move, let alone lash out in aggression... Or let alone try to kill him. Whatever— whoever he is talking to, seems to have vanished, and he opens the door fully, letting himself inside.

"All five of you, leave now." Without a word, the guards do as they are told. I wonder if they feel the same way as I do? Feeling like I can't talk or move unless told to... Even now, after what seems like years... I am still his puppet— tied to his strings— adhering to his fucking words— why can't I escape this!? Why do I have to be trapped in this unending loop of manipulation— always— always leading me back to my real home, why?