Everything Is Blue

Chapter 24

 I have to let you go.

For Kimbra, it was easy to pretend the next morning that nothing happened. Bud didn't pursue the topic of their relationship any further. It was as if they never had almost kissed. As if Bud hadn't almost said that he loved her.

She felt her face start to tingle at the thought of almost kissing him.

Stop. Don't do this to yourself.

Kimbra did her best to hide her feelings for the sleazy businessman. She kept her distance, as much as possible, for the time being.

Maybe she did the right thing by doing that.

And yet, she found herself tempted.

She couldn't stop thinking about when he almost blurted out that he loved her. The thing was, she loved him too.

What if I had just told him?

Guilt crept towards her, but she pushed it back. That had to stop. She couldn't blame herself for being responsible. For putting her career and reputation first. She had worked too hard to get where she was. No way in hell would she throw it all away.

I've done the right thing nonetheless.

She went over the possibilities in her mind.

Leaving St. Canard forever seemed like the best option for the both of them. The only option she had.

Nothing else mattered.

Kimbra knew she wasn't being entirely honest. She had other options. There were thousands if she considered the odds. Planned out a spreadsheet of possible choices and outcomes. The reality of the situation finally settled in for her.

You can't have everything. Let him go, Kim.

Kimbra propped one hand on her hip and raked the other through her hair.

That feeling continued to nag at her. That she wasn't doing the right thing. Sure, it's what was the best for the project. But her heart said otherwise.

She refused to even acknowledge that thought.

Their problems had to be set aside. She had to focus on completing the C.O.R.E project. That much was true. The mutual pining was a threat to the project. It was a roadblock. Conflict of interest. A distraction.

She'd never let it get in the way of her job.

I just can't be with him.

She had to stop worrying about it. What was the point, anyway? What's done is done.

There was no point in talking to him about it because nothing ever changes.

Not in her life at least.

It was unfair.

Now Kimbra wondered if they'd even be on speaking terms. If he'd still be her friend and would be able to look her in the eye. Or if she truly lost him forever.

The truth was, she didn't want to talk about it. She didn't want to think about it.

She made a valiant effort to not cry.

I love you. I simply love you.

***

Bud Flud tried not to look at Kimbra too much during the final project meeting. He wanted to apologize repeatedly for what had happened the other night.

That had been really, really stupid of him. Trying to tell her how he felt about her.

You're absolutely ridiculous, Flud. Ridiculous.