Found Hearts

25. Found night

Kabir stares ahead, and I stare at him.

I am sitting at the front passenger seat of his car, admiring the side view of his face, if that's what we call it.

Whatever it's called, his is really really and really beautiful.

I wonder if he has any idea how gorgeous he is.

"I'm so jealous of you right now" I mutter turning on my seat and now staring straight ahead.

"Is that what you were thinking ?" he asks still looking straight ahead.

"What ?"

"You were staring at me almost non-blinking since the past 15 minutes approx."

"Oh" I try to bury myself in the car seat embarrassed.

"So ?"

"I was thinking how long your eye lashes are. Tell me about the mascara you use"

He smiles. "Maybelline New York Smudge proof maybe ?"

I gasp dramatically. "Oh My God. Same !" I clasp his arm , and then a tick goes off in my mind, as I narrow my eyes. "Wait, how do you know about that mascara for real ?"

"Contrary to what you might believe again. I used to have a girlfriend" he answers and I sink down more on my seat.

"Oh" I mutter again. I have no idea why I feel so small about the fact that he even remembers about the mascara his ex girl friend used. On the other hand it does say a lot about him, and how much observant he is, and how much attention he pays to the person he's with, or cares about, and I'd be totally lying if that doesn't make him even more attractive.

"Don't tell me you're jealous" he says jokingly and I actually crack a smile.

"Not jealous"

"Then ?" he asks sparing me a glance.

"Just thinking how much attention you pay to these little things." I confess and he hums as if he'd never thought about that himself.

The rest of the drive is passed in a comfortable silence as I try to supress a thousand more questions that are surfacing in my brain, about his past. Like, where did he go to college ? When did he decide he wanted to be an engineer ? When did he come into a relationship for the firs time ? Did he love his ex girlfriend ? And hundreds of more things.

And I realize that these are the things I am allowed to know only if I want to date him. Like actually, seriously date him.

Can't say that I haven't thought about that. I have given a lot of thought about a lot of things. Some of which includes being Kabir's girl friend. Knowing more about him. Spending more time with him. Being able to call him mine.

That last thought made my heart go into a frenzy of weird kind of fire crackers bursting inside my chest as I forced myself to not look into Kabir's direction again and stared outside the window.

This is not okay. I cannot think about him like that. So what if I think he's literally perfect ? In all his imperfections, he still somehow had started to seem perfect for me.

No matter how much I tell myself to have a control over my thoughts and my actions, I still turn my head and take a look at Kabir. His eyebrows bunched together as he drives the car, the occassional lighting from outside highlighting his pupils and the edges of his features. He sighs a little sigh as if he's tired but trying not to show it. And then he turns his head and looks at me.
And as he does, it seems like for a moment all the tiredness he's feeling evaporates from his features and his eyes starts to shine in a way that they only can because of me. Because he isn't even aware of the way he smiles with his eyes when he looks at me. And i wasn't aware of the way my heart would reach to it. Because if I were to know, I wouldn't have looked at him. Because in this moment he makes me feel like I want to be in love with him.