Found Hearts

18. Found Lips

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I want to kiss him.

Once again.

Properly.

I touched the corner of my lips where he had tenderly pressed his own and my chest fluttered with foreign feelings.

This is so not good.

What he's doing-what he has done-it's not good.

Yes, I have a crush on him. So what ? He doesn't have to reciprocate it back.

He totally doesn't have to give me a teaser for what it could feel like to actually be that close to him.

The thing was that it wasn't even just physical attraction, while it was there, a lot of it, there still was this weird feeling that it's more. So much more than just plain physical attraction. And it was scaring me, because I've never felt like that for a guy. Raghav was my first ever boyfriend, and I was with him... because well, I started it since I didn't want to be single anymore.

While Kabir.... yeah.

He's one of those that'll make me fall for himself so hard and fast, and I won't even be able to get up after that, ever again.

I tightened my arms around myself and closed my eyes trying to feel how it felt like to be held in his arms.

I want to experience that everyday

What have I thought ? That I could spend a lifetime in his arms ? It was not an in-the-moment thought, because I still think so.

Because again... I've never felt so protected in my life.

Never felt so at home.

My heart started to beat so fast at the prospect of being in love with Kabir, or him ever loving me back. Things would fuck up real bad.

I've heard from Latika anyway that he had got commitment issues since his last relationship. That even that that relationship wasn't technically a relationship , because he had never actually committed to her.

Cold sweat gathered at the top of my eyebrows. I am thinking into it too much. Surely he just pressed that little kiss on half my lips because he wanted to proof something.

Right ?

There could be no way he could want anything more. It's absurd.

It's not like I myself want a commitment from him anyway.

The voices from downstairs below stopped my chain of thoughts. Uncle and aunty laughing with Latika, and that just made my resolve even more stronger.

Am I really going to go behind Latika's back just to have a little something with her brother ?

Even the sound of it feels like a betrayal ?

To everyone of them.

I need to get Kabir out of my system, and to tell him that it's not okay. It wasn't okay what he did. I was vulnerable and needed comfort. Momentarily he made me forgot about everything and I liked that. It won't happen again.