Found Hearts

8. Found loneliness

"...I jump from the train, I ride off alone. I never grew up it's getting so old.." - Taylor Swift, The Archer.

Hey guys ! I hope y'all are fantastic. And if not that's okay too. Letting you know that this chapter is a very very long one. Almost double length than the usual chapters.

Happy reading !

PS : I'm pathetically begging for the comments and votes because this bitch thrives on validation :)

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I retreated back.

I actually kept the promise I made to myself one week ago and backed off.

That night I was hurt and angry, and cried myself to sleep.

*wince* okay yeah that's embarrassing even for me ? Crying for what someone- no wait, what Kabir thinks about me ?

But I wish I could say that what he thought about me didn't affect me. Because I still believe I am none of those things he let out to Latika. And I'm sure Latika knows it too.

And I don't care anymore what not only him, but anyone thinks about me. It's human nature to judge. And let him if he wants to.

A wicked woman

They all think that don't they ? That I'm this expert at playing games and messing up with them. Like I'm the witch from some fantasy novel, who's hard to crack and if you did, you'd see such evils those will drive you away. And maybe I do have some evils, maybe I do play games, but I'm no expert at it. And those evils are what I've had to built to not let people walk all over me. It doesn't mean I lost my inner innocence. Nobody just ever cared enough to peek behind the curtains of this exterior I had built. And no matter what, this exterior is what I am too now. It's a part of me. I'm not gonna let it go just cuz some people might assume shit about me.

If being confident, being less shy, and speaking your mind means being not enough likeable then I'm okay with it.

You're gonna die lonely.

SHUT UP

Coming back to the matter on hands, as I said, I backed off.

Means, no bathroom races with Kabir, no banters in the hallway, and no snatching food dishes before each other, and stealing coffee cups and even avoiding dinner, lunch and breakfast till he's sitting their on the dining table. No standing on the balcony when it's raining and having intense eye contacts with him.

I still can't believe it. I still thought it was all in good fun, and someday we'd actually become friends and would end up laughing and teasing each other about it.

"I have no idea how can someone even think about liking her. It's beyond me" is what he had said.

I feel my throat closing up again.

I have no idea how I myself can even hope for wanting an asshole like him to actually see me for me and end up being my friend or something.

According to him I'm not even likeable enough for anyone not just him.

I hated how he unknowingly triggered my deepest insecurity.

I closed my eyes and looked for a new book to download on my laptop. Since days I was in a reading mood. And today is the last day I might have time to read it before starting my internship from tomorrow.

I had given the interview on the phone this Friday and it went surprisingly well. My boss herself was the one who took it. The firm itself isn't much known but the pay was okay for me. The internship would last for another three months, and I hope three months of salary would be enough for me to rent at least a 1bhk apartment kind of thing. Good thing ? I can work from home. My job didn't require much of my time because the company knew interns are themselves mostly college students, and it would only be 3 days a week.