Found Hearts

23. Found Shock

I

cannot

breathe.

I feel confined in this small space of Jeet's backseat.

Latika and Jeet has stopped on the way to the club to buy a really special kind of wine I haven't heard about ever before. I am not even sure if it's actually wine, or it was just an excuse. Kabir looks just as disgusted as though he might be thinking about the same thought I was about his sister and soon to be brother in law.

So the car is suddenly parked at the side. There's not much street light around hence, it's fairly dark. And hence, it's hard to breathe.

Kabir and me haven't spoken a word to each other and it's really really really stressing me out.

Are we just over ?

No. No it couldn't be that.

I feel my heart leaping up in my throat, at the thought of it all being just over. Of not being able to fall back into the same routine with him. Of not being on the receiving end of his smiles. Of not being able to touch him, or feel his lips on mine again.

I cross my legs, and hear Kabir exhaling sharply. I turn my head towards his face and find him staring at my legs, and then he closes his eyes, and turns his head once again to look outside the window, and it feels as if though the whole of the skin of my legs has caught on fire.

I just want to reach out. Just say something. Ask if things have changed between us. Ask if he has changed his mind. Ask him if he still wants me just the same. Ask him why he isn't even looking at me at the moment.

I'd feel mortified to come off as that pathetic in front of him. And I still would have asked all those things. I would have. If I were his girlfriend, I would. But the reality is like a huge bucket of ice cold water, that makes me feel off of bed, waking me up in a way I wouldn't want to be woken up ever.

I feel humiliated almost. As if I've lost some of my own dignity by keeping things unofficial. Like I've provided him easy access to walk away and never look in my direction again.

And, I'm confused.

Because isn't this exactly what I've wanted ? Knowing that him and me couldn't be anything more than just a fling ?

I am still somewhere scared to be honest. To provide him enough power over my heart so that he could break it so easily with a snap of his fingers. With a turn of his head away from me.

And I'm not so sure right now what I want anymore. To protect my heart, or, to give a chance to the possibility of something more. Something that could be and him. Together.

Because God knows, no one has ever made me feel the way, he had in just a mere month.

Sigh.

I don't think I can take it anymore.

I'm just about to open my mouth, and ask him, anything I could at this moment, to have him speak with me, but I hear Latika opening the door of the passenger seat, and I jump on my seat.

"So, now we are ready to party !" Latika exclaims and I chuckle in the backseat, while Jeet leans down giving her a kiss on her cheek.

They are disgustingly adorable.

And I am unbearably lonely.

My head turns toward Kabir as if on its own, and I see him rolling his eyes with a scowl on his face. Normally I would have rolled my own eyes at his typical grumpiness, but right now I find it oddly endearing. Like I want to take his face in my hands and kiss his scowl away.