~ don't be sad .. it's a waste of time -billie eilish ~
~ looking in the mirror trying not to ruin my makeup , i looked up at the sky ( there's a window on the ceiling ). And i said .. "Papa I love you .. so so much and i'm so sorry" i said with a single tear , i just wish i could've told him i loved him ~
"you ready for today ?" he asked me
"not at all" i said softly
"it'll be okay" he said pulling me into a hug..
"yes it will .." i hugged him back
~ I left , i began playing the song we listened too 4 days ago "therefore i am" by billie eilish , smiling because i remember ~
* flashbacks , my sister was smiling *
"Stop" i sang
"what the hell are you talking about , keep my pretty name outta ya mouth" her sweet voice faded in my memories
~ a single tear fell . When i pulled up to the funeral home i dreaded seeing them , i took a deep breath , got out and made my way in , there was a huge section titled "reserved with names i hadn't recognized, my name being directly in the front , before i sat , i made my way to their caskets . Everything felt like it'd been moving in slo motion , taking deep breath's as i get closer , i felt my throat closing & a huge knot right in the middle ... I saw them , i gasped & started breaking down seeing them ~
"papa , i love you" I cried holding his lifeless hand , i stood there with papa for 10 minutes just crying , i didn't wanna let go . I kissed his forehead leaving a dark red kiss mark on his head
~ i then moved to my mom , my bestfriend , "i love you mama" i cried ~
~ finding out what my little sister went through TWICE broke my heart , i was so angry my soul was full of anger , for some reason whoever did this too my family .. i .. i wanted to kill them.. I broke down hard when i saw my little sister .. the casket was too small , i stood in the middle looking at all of them , shaking uncontrollably , i couldn't stand seeing them like this ... when i turned around there he was ... the man , i ran too him and jumped in his arms , he held me tight as i broke down ~
~ he let me go gently ~
"what are you doing here ??" he asked
"that's my family up there" i cried
~ he ran past me quickly up to their caskets & looked back at me , i ran to him ~
"what??" i asked concerned
"your mother and father were in MS .." he said
"what?" i said
"they .. were working with me... who's that" he pointed to my sister
"oh . my sister" i said softly
"what the fuck" he said rubbing his head
