take me back to the day we met | byler

chapter 4: high school

TW: MENTION OF SUICIDE, SELF-HARM, ABUSE, EATING DISORDER, DRUG USE, ALCOHOL USE

now it's only me and dustin. lucas is popular and stopped hanging out with us. me and dustin still get bullied. it doesn't seem to affect him anymore, but it still affects me. the names got worse for me, but dustin only gets bullied for having cleidocranial dysplasia.

it's gotten so bad i started cutting myself, again. but this time since it's pretty cold now, i do it on my arms and legs. it burns to take a shower and when i do, the water always runs red and it kinda stains the tub, luckily no one notices. i've been called fat by everyone, sometimes including lucas. i don't recognise him anymore, he's like a whole new person. you can see my ribs now, due to me not eating much, if at all.

i started doing drugs and drinking to stop thinking about will, whom i can't reach out to, it's too painful, anyway, i heard that he has a boyfriend there so i can't really do anything now. im too late.

there are so many scars on my body, sometimes i reopen them with the razor and this time cut deeper, hoping that it'll kill me. i have letters just incase i deside to go through with ending it all.

i have been so depressed. my parents think i'm just being a bitchy moody teenager, my sister nancy suspects something is wrong, but hasn't mentioned it, and holly, she's too young, she's only 6.

every once in a while, i'll use that thing dustin built at science camp to reach out to will, or i'll write him a letter signed with "love mike" until i found out he was seeing someone i started to put "from mike" not that he'd notice anyway.

during spring break, i was happy to go to california, but also scared because it's hot in cali so i went out and bought some foundation that would hopefully cover up my arms and legs as much as it could where no one will notice.

when i saw will, he was smiling, he had a painting with him. jane's hair was longer than last time i saw her, ans she had bangs and talked more than she did. jonathan was high, i could smell the weed, the good stuff, and he had his long haired friend with him. i gave will a half-assed hug and asked how he's been. god i missed him so much. i was able to give jane a better hug, though it hurt and i made a face in pain but i don't think she noticed, i told jonathan hi and his weird, but pretty hot friend gave me a hug. wtf. we went to the roller skate place and hung out.

that week was weird and amazing at the same time. i stayed with the byers and it reminded me of that time in 7th grade i spent a few days with will when he was sick. memories from when i was happiest was flooding in my head.

me and will talked for a while, he told me about his boyfriend and he asked if i was seeing a girl and i told him no.

"are you seeing a girl?" will asked, we were sitting on his bed.

"n-no, actually, uh, i-i don't l-like girls." i admitted.

oh did i tell you? i stutter, and yes, i get bullied about it, a lot.

"oh, um i didn't know that." will said.

"y-yeah i um, i-ive kno-known fo-for a whi-while now si-since mi-midd-middle school. i just di-didnt know h-h-how to t-tell you. i-im g-gay." it took a while cause i stutter so badly, and it's worse when i get nervous.

will hugged me and said "it's okay mike. i wouldn't have judged you." and then he went on and asked if i had a boyfriend and i said, again, no cause he was the only person i've told.

the week with the hopper-byers was amazing. i stayed in most of it, will asking me some if i was okay and i lied and said yes.

i would break down when they left, trusting me staying by myself cause they've known me for a long ass time. i still didn't eat much with the excuse that i wasn't hungry.

that week went by super fast and before i knew it, i was going back tohawkins. i don't even like calling it "home" because it's not home without will.

sophomore to sinor year was a blur, i was either too high or too depressed to remember most of the shit that happened. i just remember the really bad parts, and the parts with will. but here's the rundown.

i got super high and drunk

i would cut myself

i wanted to kill myself 99% of the time

my dad found out about all of this, and the fact i was gay cause apparently i told my whole family that i was gay when i was high (i asked nancy about it) and he beat me.

he would give me a black eye, he's broken my ribs, gave me a concussion, and he hit me with his car.

no one stopped it.

they stood there and watched.

now you may be thinking "mike, you said at the beginning this is wills fault, how?"

well let me tell you why in the next chapter.