Let me love you

18

Heath

My outlook on life fucking sucked, it has been so fucked up since I can remember. I've experienced loss and loneliness more times than I can count and barely have any memory of being fucking happy over anything.

But I find myself fucking excited as I waited for a message back from Thalia. Like some fucking girl. The feeling was strange but it was always something to look forward to, because I need something like that.

Or I'd get myself into a fucking weird state, mentally.

You like them? They're pink and fluffy :)

I read her text and click on the picture she sends me. A zoomed out picture of her bare legs and pink pig slippers on her feet.

She was the most random person I ever fucking Met. She talked a lot and didn't know when to stop pushing. She was the complete opposite of what I liked in a person.

Or what I used to. Because now I can't find myself to dislike her.

No

I send her a reply even though I did like them and click back on the picture to see it all over again.

"Is that a smile on your face? Is that what you do when you're alone?" Duke barges into my house as if it was his fucking own.

"No" I take off whatever smile shit I had on my face. 

"I've known you since high school and you never smiled around me. Who's the lucky person?" He walks around the kitchen island to where I stood and snatched the phone away.

"Of fucking course. Thalia, your precious boo " He holds the phone away but I didn't try to get it back.

"Yes, Heath I love you so much too. I just want you to take me in your big strong arms and kiss me while you-" He pretends to read off the screen.

"Shut the fuck up." He easily got on my fucking last nerve but he was just as easily a brother to me.

I'll never fucking tell him something corny like that though.

He puts the phone down and leans onto the counter top, getting serious. He always thought he was acting like some hero by coming here even though I don't need him to.

I deal with my shit by myself.

"How have you been man? You haven't been to work in a week." I knew he would bring that up eventually but I didn't feel like talking about this.

"I'm fine." I sigh, just trying to get through my day without having a conversation about how I fucking feel.

It was stupid and why would anybody care, I'll deal with it like I always have.

"Did you eat? We can go out if you haven't" He offers but I shake my head.

"I'm not hungry." I haven't been since the fucking anxiety took a bigger hit on me. I'd eat eventually when I knew I had to.

"C'mon man, that's not healthy. I can make you something or we can go out." He walks toward my pantry and starts looking through it.