automatic stop, bradley bradshaw

forty-two.

SKYE TRUTHFULLY DIDN'T KNOW HOW SHE'D ENDED UP THERE ON ROOSTER'S DOORSTEP. she put her hands into the pockets of her leather jacket, subconsciously pulling it closer to her body. the night breeze felt somehow cold against her cheeks, which was surprising for california.

if she could turn back time, skye would've gone back home and written down a list of the things she wanted to say. honestly, if she could turn back time, skye probably wouldn't even be there on his doorstep. she would've stayed at home and gotten an early rest.

but there was no denying that she couldn't put it off any longer. she knew how she felt. she knew that no one made her feel the way rooster felt, and that she wanted him to know. she wanted to be able to tell him just how much she cared about him, and to hopefully hear him say the same.

despite how much she wanted the conversation to happen, though, she still dreaded it. skye hated facing her feelings like that. it wasn't really.. something that the mitchell's did. her father had always been more hidden and reserved with his feelings, and unfortunately it had passed on to her.

that isn't to say that he never did anything to make her feel loved. skye knew that she was the most important thing in pete mitchell's life, and he reminded her of it frequently if she ever were to forget. he took time out of his day to send her photos that made him think of her, or to ask her questions. he was very proud of her and of everything she did, and she knew that.

but something about the word 'love' scared maverick. he often only said it when it was a significant moment, like her winning a game or getting a promotion, or celebrating a birthday. it wasn't that he didn't love her, and skye never took it personally. but it did mean that it wasn't really a part of her vocabulary.

and so, figuring out that she loved someone was something genuinely quite horrifying to skye. she kept most people at an arm's distance, too afraid to open up or admit her feelings. that was why she'd never had a boyfriend, even in high school. at least, not one that lasted longer than one date.

if she was really being honest (or if you'd gotten her drunk enough to be honest), skye always thought she was afraid of commitment. the idea of being with someone scared her.

it wasn't that she didn't want to be in a relationship. truthfully, skye had often envied people who were able to get into long and withstanding relationships. but she didn't think that she was cut out for them. or, at least, that's what years of failed dating experience had taught her.

skye was terrified of opening up to someone completely. of someone knowing all of her best and worst moments, her secrets and her triumphs, her fears and her joys. because it was nice and all until they left.

everyone skye had known other than katia had left her. she'd tired of any other friends by her junior year of high school because she knew that to be true. the only constants in her life were aviation, her father, and katia. and she hated to admit it, but she was afraid of adding someone new into the mix.

rooster had been a constant for a while. that was, at least, until he'd left her in anger, too butthurt about not getting into the naval academy. a part of skye was, admittedly, still afraid of him leaving again, even though he'd promised long ago not to.

if she was, once again, being honest, skye had asked herself if that was the reason she'd been easy to convince to join the black aces. of course, the main reason was to stay close to iceman. but she often had wondered if she was genuinely too afraid to stay with rooster.

what if he left again? what if she was, once again, all alone?

she wondered if she'd therefore decided to leave before she could get left. if she'd packed her bags and moved to california in hopes that she was saving herself from something inevitably more painful, something worse than simply leaving on her own terms.