crescent [h.s]

11

Aurora Adler

I started walking.

And I didn't stop.

Until I felt the cool sand beneath my feet.

I don't register the stinging of my eyes.

I don't register the pain in my heart.

I don't register anything.

I manage to pull myself down onto the sand of the beach in front of my apartment, and I hide my face into my knees.

I'm completely frozen.

Until I'm not.

Until a sob so fucking heavy erupts from the deepest parts of me, sucking away my oxygen, replacing my air with pain.

I press my hands into my eyes, praying to whatever the fuck is out there, that this feeling passes.

My soul feels like it's been torn apart, throttled until it is no more.

Nothing has ever hurt this bad.

Nothing.

Not finding my grandma passed out.

Not holding her hand as she took her last breath.

Not having to be the one to tell my family about her passing.

Not having my family shout at me when they realised they got nothing from her will.

Not finding out my ex boyfriend cheated.

Not watching his sex tape with someone else.

Not hearing him say he used me.

Not being ghosted by the first man I tried to trust in years.

Not him blaming me for getting pregnant.

Not him telling me to have an abortion.

Not him blocking my number.

Not realising I'd be raising my baby on my own.

Nothing.

Nothing hurts as much as releasing you've just lost the one person that never judged. Never interrupted. Never pretended. Never looked at you with hate. Never looked at you like you were an inconvenience.

Never treated you like anything less than.

Nothing has ever felt like this.

And nothing ever will.

This wasn't the most painful event of Aurora's life, unlike what she believed. Nor was it Harry's. But it was the second.

I wasn't too sure when the tears stopped stinging.

I don't think they ever did.

I think I just got used to the pain.

When I lifted my head, the sun had now slipped beneath the horizon, and the sky had started turning black. The moon had replaced the sun, and a few dim stars had started appearing.

Stars.

I didn't know I was crying again until I felt the saltiness on my tongue.

I didn't know much of anything.

All I knew, was that I felt torn.

I didn't know how to sew myself back together.

All I knew, was that I needed Harry.

But I couldn't have him.

Because I will not be the reason he goes back to that place.

He deserves happiness. Even if that's not with me.